I was watching this tele-soap the other day and there was a couple arguing over something and suddenly my two-year old little miss M, comes up to me and says “papa-mumma fighting, don’t cry!!” I was taken aback by her words. I mean how she knows that it is an argument, and someone will be upset after it?
One has to be so careful while talking anything in front of her now. Be it watching any horror or crime related shows over the television. She has started recognising characters of shows and certainly I don’t want her to be one couch potato, so I have almost stopped watching television.
Fights between couples are natural, and since me and my hubby are totally opposite in terms of nature, the arguments are slightly on the higher side. 😉 But ever since she has told this to me, I was wondering, what huge impact must the petty fights have made on her mind.
They say, children learn what they see. And especially at this age, she is bound to imitate whatever she sees around her. So off lately I have become extra cautious about my behaviour. Like even when I am in a bad mood or upset about something, I try not to get frustrated or shout at anyone (p.s. I am a little short-tempered types with little patience), because I don’t want my daughter to learn all this.
You know that sick feeling that comes over you when you and your husband are shouting angrily at each other – and then you look up and see your child standing wide-eyed in the doorway? One of my friend’s parents didn’t have a smooth married life, so initially she used to get frightened on hearing her parents fights but later she used to feel disgusted as in ‘how could they behave like this?’ and her personality had become as one depressed and antisocial soul.
Certainly, I wish no child should go through this mental trauma. Parents who fight in front of their child are harming the psyche of the child unknowingly. Thankfully me and N, don’t fight so seriously (touch-wood) .Of course, arguments do take place as they are a part and parcel of life, but still we avoid them in front of little miss M. Since she is yet a bit too small to understand things, we have come up with this KATTI-BATTI formula. (She is aware what does a KATTI mean).
Like when I am upset with N, and I don’t want to fight in front of M, I just calmly tell him KATTI!! At least it stops the argument for some time!! It may sound funny, but it’s important for the kid to know that the parents may be not be talking to each other for a while (katti) but they would soon be normal and back to talking terms (batti). 😉
So before you start screaming about your husband having kept those used socks under the table or the wet towel on the bed or arguing with your wife about how she doesn’t give you enough space or disrespect your parents, stop and think that your kids are likely to be the awestruck audience to your little family drama.
And it will be troubling rather than enjoyable for them. Though, this does not mean that parents do not have the right to fight or argue just because they are parents. It is just that they will have to learn to express their rage and communicate their frustration in private and in ways that do not affect their children adversely.
So here’s a manual for parents to a ‘good’ fight:
- The only person you can control is YOU!! Choose to control your impulses.
- Discuss, do not yell .
- Fight fair – no name calling, no door slamming, no threats.
- Put yourself in your child’s shoes. I am sure you would not want to be a listener of the fights.
- Don’t argue over the issues related to kids and never ask them to take sides.
- Resolve in front of the child. Follow up and explain him/her that Mommy and Daddy fight sometimes but they love each other and will work out things!!
However, I know no matter how hard you try, fights are inevitable. So just in case, talking doesn’t work out and you still want to open your heart out and scream and shout, wait for the little one to get fast asleep or go to the next room and continue the entertainment! 😉
I am Nitika Sipani, an interior designer by profession, full-time job as of now is that of a mother of a 2-year-old daughter (Myra) whom I dearly call ‘Little Miss M’! Of all the jobs till date, this one is the most challenging and every day is a new learning experience!! I enjoy writing and have developed it as a hobby, would like to become a freelance writer someday! You can connect with me on my blog: Juss lik dat.