New Mom Commandments

It’s fun being a ‘new’ mother all over again. Suddenly I’m in on the infantile jokes again and have lost my standing on the ‘been there done that’ pedestal.  However much I prepared myself, I’m nowhere close to breezing through the first few months with a newborn…

From dhamakedaar diaper rash to super scary symptoms of cows milk allergy – it’s been an eventful first two months! And as the babybhai celebrates this milestone, let me entertain you with a few of the oft joked about commandments of new motherhood

1. Thou shall not eat (as much as swallow)

..because just when you sit down to – your baby will cry. Or poop. Or vomit. And if you’re really lucky – all of the above simultaneously with a generous dosage of sound effects.

2. Thou shall not squeak

Your baby might happily sleep through the the sharp trills of the ancient prestige pressure cooker that you own, but that last shingle in the top drawer of your cupboard? Well that’s another matter altogether. As for putting him down in his cot after he has been disturbed thus – better luck next time, eh?

3. Forget thy sense of high fashion

Because gently merging in two of the season’s best gloss shades onto properly defined lips is meant for ladies of leisure. Who do not have kids. Or have sent them up for adoption. Or some such !

4. Thou shall dance with the stars

And no – no reference to programming of a televised variety. More often than not – you shall be up when the celestial bodies are. Shaking your hips to an improbable jig and a strange lulling jingle of your own making. The world may not be your stage – but your audience is likely to catch your every wrong move with a resounding thumbs down. So keep moving it baby!

5. Thou shall not be shamed

Of course. Because after labour and childbirth what possibly can. So go forth and rejoice in the dissemination and accumulation of information on all topics taboo till now : poop, boobs, sex life.. Your pick!

These are just a sample few. Indeed I am right now on commandment number 115 : thou shall not be able to finish a blog post in one sitting !