• Aaaaaah! Don’t we all dread this moment, and I guess it comes in every parent’s life. My mom always told me “you will realize what it takes to be a parent, when you’ll become one!” Shows to prove I was a pretty difficult child. At this age they don’t mean much, but it’ll be harder when they say this intentionally.

    Patience is the key, and its extremely important to be calm but assertive (as you’ve already pointed out). Loved the post, as always Swapna.

    • It really did take me by surprise because till that day my daughter revered me like I was god incarnate and only showered kisses and affection on me so you can imagine my surprise Falak. But you are right, calmness is the key. But god help me if she ever says this intentionally. 🙁

  • I remember my dad saying, this will hurt me more than it will hurt you, before giving me a thrashing and I was thinking cynically, whanna bet?!!
    My almost 5 year old frequently tells me that I’m no longer his friend and that I’m banished from playing with him any more!! Deep cuts!! However, since this is my second, all the struggle I have within myself is to try and keep a straight face when he says that!!

    • Oh Roshni, your comment’s first line reminded me of Rusell Peters’ famous gag “somebody’s gonna get hurt, somebody!” Ha ha. I guess it will become funny after some time although at that time I did feel my heart breaking into a million pieces. 😉

  • I learnt it the hard way to riding the pendulum from awarded the best father award to be demonized as the worst in a short span.
    I talk to the kids once the tempers have cooled a bit..

    • That’s what got me too Prasad! How can I, the perfect mother be the bad witch all of a sudden but you are right that’s a pendulum we all have to ride. 🙂

  • its hard swapna, very hard , but I just look into her eyes, and theres an “eye talk” and then theres more number of times when she says ” I love you” than this…. I have just learnt to outgrow this 🙂 . Hang in there, this too shall pass! And oh wait, theres worse awaiting us yeah?

    • Yes! Poonam the “I love YOUs ” are definitely outnumbering the “I hate you” right now but like you said the future holds lots. Ha ha. We also do this “eye talk” thing a lot. 🙂

  • Fab

    Ha, been there, Swapna!!! My four year old’s favorite phrase right now is “I don’t LIKE you!! I like ONLY Dadda!!”, and of course, vice versa, depending on which parent dared to cross his path that day :-). Though he doesn’t actually say ‘hate’ (I’m waiting for a few more years for that), I know exactly how you feel – guess this is one of those things that’ll just keep going generation after generation!!

    • Yeah Fab, I get that Mommy vs Daddy thing too. Thankfully “hate” is an alien word to her vocabulary too so it is all good for now. 🙂

  • Oh my! I have never thought about this situation since my toddler is just turning 3 and does not express it well enough. She does have her “I hate U” moments but that is in terms of hitting & screaming. I have however had flashbacks of how hurtful my words have been to my parents in the growing years and had a similar cleansing moment like you. Its sad, but I guess that’s the way we tune ourselves to emotions. I am grateful I had the opportunity to apologise to my mum as soon as my daughter was born. I had an eye-opening moment after just giving birth to her and was lucky to have both my mum n hubby in the same room. My mum laughed and said – “So now you know!” and though she had laughed, I am quite sure I saw her wipe tears off her welled up eyes. My mum is the best friend I always have had and the realisation loses itself during the teens years. But wow does it bite you hard when you have moments like these! God Bless you Swaps…your munchkin too will know how much you’re needed in her life and will express it one day to you – words, expressions, feelings, actions, tears and all. It helps to go back to our aging parents and apologise to them – its never too late and believe me there is this rock that is lifted off your chests and more warmth that enters theirs no matter how late it is! xx

    • That’s such a beautiful comment Georgina. I need to come clean to my mom too. This parenting thing sure makes your life come full circle. It is so strange that you think that you are going to be the only “best friend” your child will ever need and end up looking like the “most rigid, uncool person”. Well that’s life right!!

  • Toni

    Well ive had the occassional i hate you mummy remarks but the most recent one is you are not my mummy anymore. As soon as i heard this i.wanted to cry but i showed him that im not lettingbit get to (went and had a sniffle later sounds silly but thats how hard it hit me) my response.was calmly saying well right now thats how you feel but no matter what i will always be your mummy. This seemed to wind him up more he is only 4 but as he has so many aunties and uncles all in close age range and one who is his age he seems to have picked up on their behaviour and its hard undoing the things in one day and i dont want to stop him seeing them though because he has a special relationship.with each and everyone of them and im talking 14+ aunties and uncles.