Crying and Attachment

“Cry cry itna cry karte hain kaiko,
Pal Pal rote hain kaiko”

This, I heard from my friend Sheetal, who is allergic to children, when her sister-in-law delivered a baby girl. To this, I advised her that it is not about crying but about letting the world know that ‘The Child has arrived’ and since they cannot speak, they cry. Thus, giving me the idea for today’s post – Cry and Attachment.

We all love crying and let our emotions flow. Be it for any reason. And so do the new-born. As I said, they cry because they cannot speak and grab our attention towards them. It is this simple logic which most of the parents fail to understand and in turn label the child as ‘Cry Baby’.

Crying is the main and only way a child can let the parents know when they need help. Although it becomes difficult for parents to understand why the baby is crying and even more difficult for new parents but that is the fun of parenting. You learn through experiences and become much wiser as the child grows. Some babies cry for few hours in an entire day whereas some babies keep on crying the most part of the day. There is nothing to worry as they are bound to cry initially.

Since we are talking about a new-born, it is very important that parents give most of their time to the new ones. Try understanding them, how they feel when you are near, when you caress them, talk to them and see the reaction. Also, try sensing how they feel when you are not near to them. This will give you a small idea about the baby’s feelings and how they respond to things thus giving you a fair idea why they cry.

Here are some reasons why babies cry:

1. Hungry
2. Sleepy
3. Unwell
4. Needs nappy change
5. Wants you in sight
6. Tired
7. Seeing a stranger
8. Sudden burst of noise

But what is most important is to understand which cry is for what. A loud continuous crying may indicate the baby is hungry or sleepy whereas a start and stop cry may probably indicate the baby needs you in sight or wants a cuddle.

There are even times when the baby just won’t relent. You try each and every stuff to calm the baby down but the baby keeps on crying. In such situation it is better to let the baby cry and allow coping with the situation on her own.

Even attachment plays a bigger role in the early days of the baby. When the baby feels attached to someone, the baby shows more trust and is comfortable with and hence it is always preferable that both the parents develop such healthy bonding with the baby as early as possible. This in turn results in baby crying less.

So what a parent needs to do to develop such bonding:

1. Smile. Smile as much as you can whenever in front of the baby. This will make the baby happy and relaxed.
2. Cuddle the baby, stroke, run your hands on the back. This will calm the child down making the child feel safe and comfortable.
3. Eye contact is very important. It allows the baby to look at you and remember you.
4. Try understanding the sound of the cries as it may help you in judging what the child needs.
5. Talk to the baby. They will understand the sound as you talk to them and can sense the tone of your voice. Just try shouting at them and also call out the baby’s name – you will see the difference.
6. Watch all the actions of the baby. This will give an idea about the baby’s liking, disliking and so on.
7. Play with them. This will strengthen the bond and makes the baby happier and closer to you.

Crying and Attachment goes hand in hand. When a baby gets attached to you, you can understand the baby’s cry easily and attend the cry. Of course this cannot be developed overnight but as days pass things will get better giving you a clear understanding of the baby’s cry. But the only thing which is most required by a parent is Patience.

Remember – Patience is the key while dealing with the baby’s cry.

Hetal Kachalia is a preschool teacher in the morning and a dotting home maker by the evening. She blogs at http://ponderingtwo.blogspot.in.