• I relate to this Roshni and very well articulated too … I continuously challenge my kiddo with new things every time she masters something !!

    • Roshni

      Good for you, Vidya!

  • 🙂 We see that bag carrying all the time. Even with boys in high school, there are Moms looking ragged as hell, lugging their backpacks and lunch kits and tagging along, while these boys stroll, no, strut, hands in pockets, chatting with their friends just ahead.

    Pampering kids is nice, but certainly not in these ways. I also freak out when kids sit tight and do not offer seats to the elderly or their own parents. Worse still, they argue in public with their parents. Ugh!

    Yes, it is natural to want to do things and make life easier for our kids, but there is a price to pay. I am guilty of succumbing at times, but I am so fortunate that I am blessed with a responsive and responsible kid today. I was sick during the weekend that went by, and while preparing for his exam, my son also managed everything else as I couldn’t get out of bed. While no cooking actually happened, he knew how to put things together, give me the right stuff (thanks to being home remedy buffs) and keep the kitchen spotless without me having to worry.

    Love your post, Roshni. I can see you’re a wonderful Mom!

    Hugs, Vidya

    • Teaching kids to be independent has backfired many a time, Vidya 🙂

      Once I went for a nap telling my kids not to disturb unless it is an emergency. Woke up to find two whole trays of freshly baked brownies disappeared and their response was “we were feeling hungry and did not want to disturb you” 😀

      • 🙂 Bindu, goes with the territory, though! I once remember my son – he was 4 years old at the time, picked up the source container for turmeric and “kumkum” and was up to all sorts of things with it, in the name of puja. You know how good haldi stains 😀

        Still, there’s a learning opportunity there 😛

      • Roshni

        ahahhahah!! So very self-sufficient of them!! 😛

    • Roshni

      That’s a wonderful story about your son! I love it when boys show their caring side!!

  • Loved it, as usual!

    Unfortunately it is women themselves who perpatuate this typical behaviour in men. And then complain men have it so easy! The change has to begin from one’s self!

    • Roshni

      Yes, I know!! It’s cute if you help your 3 year old son….but your teen son? That’s just weird, in my opinion!!

  • I think this ‘Indian Son’ syndrome is perpetuated by their mothers who would like to have the boys to depend on their mothers for everything. It makes them feel indispensable.

    • Roshni

      You’re right, Ritu, and your posts have described that phenomenon very well!! I guess, some moms think that this is the only male relationship that they have control over, and they are unwilling to forgo it!

  • I love, love, love this post. And I have always felt I am an oddity, with Moms around me carrying bags, running behind and feeding kids as they get ready, giving up their seats and standing while the little lords loll comfortably, being ordered around (“give me water!!” “my tiffin!”)…. it goes on.

    • You have company 🙂

    • I have witnessed it in my own home ! My brother was raised as a lord with a mother and two elder sisters to wait on him. Though “give me water!!” “my tiffin!” was there, he would not sit and let mom to stand with backpack. In fact even as a kid, he would do the standing, carrying weight etc.. and make sure we are comfortably seated (might be the male ego of him being stronger than us ). He was and is still dependent on us but thankfully he respects and values us a lot and he is trying to be self reliant. Now my mom also understands that she was wrong giving him extra privilege of being son and my bro also agrees to it (though my granny still waits on him which he dislikes )

      • Roshni

        It’s a habit/riwaaz that our society has perpetuated!! Hopefully, its about time we break free!!

    • Roshni

      You absolutely have company, Shail! When I was pregnant with my second, one of my friends came and told me, ‘remember, you’re the mom, not the maid’!! Good advice though it startled me at that time!!

  • It is because of the mothers like these that we have sons who can’t take a glass of water on their own or wouldn’t know how to boil water!! Raising self sufficient kids is an important part of parenting!

    • Roshni

      Agree!! My sons help with the housework and cooking all the time. I told them that they need to learn this for college, but in reality, I want grateful spouses!! 😛

  • Hi Roshni… Independence and self reliance is the best education you can give to your kids…I am so happy to learn this….The kids who have never done anything in life at home one day struggle to learn to do even simple things….

    • Roshni

      heheheh!! To tell you the truth, even I never did any housework at my parents’ house, and I did struggle when I went to hostel! Which is why, I totally agree with you!

  • Just loved the post! I too keep encouraging my son to do things independently.

    • Roshni

      That’s great, Swati! We need more moms to join our tribe!

  • I don’t see it happening these days. I am totally with you on this. Even my younger son has started dressing up himself. It also helps that both me and my husband are hands on with things. The elder one helps me vacuum too, and he is very keen to learn cooking now :).

    • Roshni

      I’m glad to hear that since I don’t live in India now. I do see it in some Indian and Asian families over here. It always surprises me that some people still cling onto this mentality!

      • I feel that NRIs tend to cling more to outdated ideas of culture than those of us living in India. I have noticed this in my experience as well. Is it nostalgia that makes them hold on to these values or isolation from other Indians, I don’t know! But, I don’t see any mothers doing it here, and we have a pretty large community of 300 plus homes with many kids :).

        • Roshni

          You may be right, Rachna! The phenomenon of being more Indian than Indians themselves, perhaps! I also see parents here who are teaching their kids all those slokas and making them learn Bharatnatyam while I see kids in India learning ballet!! LOL!!

  • Hugs Roshini for having done such a good job parenting the boys 🙂 It really helps them in their later years !!!

    • Roshni

      Thanks, Uma! Hopefully, they’ll keep this in their heads and not feign amnesia later on!! 😀

  • chattywren

    Hmm, as parents we tend to indulge our kids but seriously one has to not take it too far. I’d like to bring up my kids that they are self-reliant and can take care of themselves. My own parents were too protective of me and I just don’t like things done for me somehow. It’s not an easy line to walk though.

    • Roshni

      Same here, Vibha! I absolutely hate to be dependent on anyone now! Maybe it’s a reaction to all those years of being helicoptered! But, now I know, they did it because they cared a lot for me!

  • Jas

    A very relevant post Rosh. I also made up my mind very early as you know that he will start getting independent as soon as possible 🙂 and I am really happy that at 5 years, he eats his won food most of the time, folds his changed clothes, put shoes at its rightful place and helps me around the kitchen as well.

    • Roshni

      And, that is just how it should be! People think that as small kids, they cannot do much themselves, but our own sons are examples of how much they can do if only we would let them!