The first-born, being the first in both maternal and paternal child, was a bit of a pampered one, courtesy grandparents. She started throwing tantrums at the age of two months by screaming at high decibels hurting our eardrums.
Later on while on an outing, she went on to the extent of sitting down right in the middle of the road when her requests were not met and her orders not taken. Initially, I got frustrated myself and started worsening the situation by shouting, screaming and spanking. Of course, motherhood was then a completely new experience to me. Slowly I learnt to remain calm and handle it in my own way. I started putting some cotton balls in my ears, I sang (in my own melodious tone) some of her favourite songs and rhymes which distracted her. Whenever she sat on the road, I used to coolly walk away. Of course with regular glances to ensure she was fine. This scared her and she slowly started falling in line. This sounds pretty easy and fun. But trust me, it isn’t.
The second-born as a child was pretty cool, and her way of showing anger was hitting her own forehead on the floor. I first thought it was some kind of a game she was playing. It took me sometime to understand that she was exhibiting her anger and disapproval because she never cried or screamed while doing this. This being the second innings as a mother was a little easier to handle.
As soon as you deliver a baby, all your loved ones shift loyalty to the baby, thus you become the sole fighter on your front. I found it really difficult with everyone except me being on the child’s side. Anything and everything that the baby does is right, because it’s a baby. And anything you do fetches you the tag of, ‘heartless’, ‘rude’ and ‘insensitive’. Yeah, I can see you nodding. Don’t loose heart; it has happened with all of us.
Kids throw tantrums when they’re irritated or uncomfortable, frustrated, hungry or are seeking attention. It occurs predominantly in the first few years of birth as part of their growth and development. Mostly it occurs when the child is unable to communicate and make you understand his/her need. They do it when they’re refused something or are not given enough authority and independence. After all, who doesn’t love to control others? They do it more often when most of the people around are ready to dance to their tunes. And thus you and you alone happen to be the common enemy. And trust me these same people are the ones that point it out as your mistake when the child makes one.
So how do you tackle the temper tantrums in your child?
The best way to handle temper tantrums is distraction. Distract the child with the help of something new. It works. It always does. It’s just like the media works on people. Shifting focus to a new news item and you’re most likely to have forgotten the previous ones. Yes, children having high-energy levels and being at an age when they’re exploring the world, it becomes very easy to distract them with something new to discover completely.
A simple way is to just leave the place yourself and let the child know you aren’t easy to win over when they’re being unfair. Leave the place and let the child have a conversation with self. It works not because they’ve accepted that they are being unfair; it works because they do understand that beyond a point there’s no fun in talking to a wall.
Another way to tackle these tantrums is avoiding them. Just as it is necessary to compliment the child for a good behaviour, it is necessary to ignore their unrealistic expectations and tantrums to make them understand that they’ll loose your attention completely. The more you give in, the child tends to make it a habit. And habits as they say are shirts made of iron. Complete rebellion too is harmful; hence do give in once in a while to have the child within your control.
All these are tried and tested tips for ages, but remember each child is different and each situation is different. You and you alone can decide what suits your child in a certain situation.
Handle it whichever way suits you, but it is necessary to tackle these at the root level because it goes a long way in building your child’s personality as a grown-up.
Rekha Dhyani is a mother of two girls, a 7 year old and a 5 year old, settled in Delhi. She’s a marketer by profession: apart from juggling with Excel sheets, Presentations and Strategy Documents; she also manages to remain sane struggling between alphabets and multiplication tables at the same time. She hopes to win over the love of her life back, which she has lost to the little girls since the past few years. Her new found passion in writing frequently on her blog is the only stress-relief she claims.