The Pseudo-Expert

Recently, a friend [fed up of all the Facebook Shares that I do of my posts on Parentous, I am sure], raised his concerns about my ‘expert advices’. I will soon complete one year with Parentous, in December; and therefore, I take this opportunity to clarify that I have always been a contributor, never an expert.

The Pseudo Parent Expert - Being A Parent Not A Parental-Guide

If only, I had everything worked out in my mind, parenthood would not have been as challenging and as revealing as it actually is. He said, ‘for all the advices you dole out, who knows how your own son is going to turn out in future’. And he isn’t wrong. Frankly, I welcome [if not encourage] such comments because they help me take a step back from my situation and try to look at it objectively.

So, what am I doing here?

I voice concerns. From gender stereotyping to questioning the wisdom of teaching an eye for an eye, from discussing the need of the hour to the impact of violence and swear words on young minds; there are enough issues to be concerned about as a parent.

I make confessions. I have confessed about judging other mommies and daddies not too long ago; and once I have also been politically incorrect in admitting that I always wanted to raise a son rather than a daughter.

I share experiences. I remember a time when I wrote about things I learnt after having a baby or the letter I wrote to the new parents in my family. The thought behind those posts was to tell new parents in advance on what to expect after a baby comes along, from my own experience. But no expert advice, mind you!

I share love. I wrote a very public letter to my 2-year old on his 2nd birthday. Long time back, I also chronicled everyday moments with the centre of my universe [my son] and how I felt privileged in being part of those.

I share knowledge and acquired wisdom. I cannot not write about books. So, I wrote about books on pregnancy and parenting, raising boys and peaceful parenting, which I personally found informative and useful.

I offer my observations. Are children growing up too fast or are we sharing too much information online – those were posts in which I just offered observations about current social trend.

I share my stories. There was a time when I shared why I decided to quit my job, notes to my mommy-self and how I never find myself too far from the Bad Mother Syndrome.

I discuss my predicaments as well as my challenges. “How should I approach the subjects of nudity, money or obedience in children?” I have often found myself in a quandary on subjects like these.

I don’t think I have ever acted like an expert; simply because I don’t know a thing about Parenting. I just write about what feels important and imminent. I take inspiration from my own life, from my current situations.

If you have ever read me, I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart.

P.S. On a different note, I came across this article recently on the rising trend in parenting coaches.

Reema Sahay is a Stay-At-Home-Mom, Freelance Writer, Voracious Reader, Passionate Blogger, Social Media Enthusiast, Internet Junkie and Ex-Marketing Communication Professional. She spends her days running after her very curious toddler, ‘the star’, and catching up on books when he naps. She writes about charms and challenges of life at Pen Paper and shares her passion for books at Recommend Books. She sometimes feels that her 5.5 years stint in Marketing Communication was in another life

  • Divya

    Every article and discussion has its own audience. If your friend isnt interested in parenting, then he should just hide your articles from appearing on his facebook wall !! Objective of parentous is to get together, share and discuss, Reema you do not have to give an explanation! You are doing a great job and I love reading your posts. Keep them coming.

    • Reema Sahay

      Ha ha true Divya. I should have done that long time ago. Never occurred to me 🙂 You know, this wasn’t explanation; it was more like reflecting on the one year I spent here. Moreover, it just got me some kind words from you, which certainly means many times more to me. But his question was also justified, you know.

  • Nischala

    What an intelligent compilation. Now I know where to come if I need to look at your parenting nuggets for the past year. And no one is ever an expert in parenting.. We all just learn with experience.. Some are good and some need to learn.. But to each child, his / her parents are usually the best 🙂

    • Reema Sahay

      Thank you Nischala. You know, I always suffer from the Bad Mother Syndrome for something or the other 🙁

      • Nischala

        Show me the fool who has diagnosed this syndrome? bad and you.. can’t be used together.. for you and parenting – at least if i go by what your words say 🙂

        • Reema Sahay

          Self-diagnosis 🙂 Sometimes having unrealistic aspirations is a good thing. As Bindu said, whatever we discuss here is a mix of experiences, beliefs and aspirations.

  • Yamini Vijendran

    Almost all your articles are thought provoking and heart warming. I especially love the letter to your two year old. I don’t think there can be am expertise in parenting for each child ams her parents are unique. We all only share here what we think or experience. And parenting coaches, seriously????

    • Reema Sahay

      Yamini, your comment was certainly heartwarming for me. Thank you 🙂
      Yes, I agree, all of us have unique challenges in parenting and if each others’ experiences can help us out in tricky situations, then why not!

  • Sharing is caring… and it is always good to learn about the experiences of other parents who are going through the same learning. We write therefore we are… so keep them coming… 🙂

    • Reema Sahay

      Thanks a ton. Certainly, we can exchange a tip or two, and anticipate those moments in parenting which we may never have thought of. In the times, when there isn’t a village raising a child [as they say], it is better to exchange notes.

  • ronita

    All ur articles are quite unique and parenting or becoming parents is one of those phases where we learn many thing on a day to day basis and eventually we become teachers ourselves unknowingly and it’s always great to have these words shared.

    • Reema Sahay

      I am flattered Ronita. Thank you for all the times when you have taken out time to read what I wrote here. And yes, absolutely, parenting is dynamic. We learn so much from our own experiences and from each others’.

  • Diana Natasha Pinto

    It’s true that no one is an expert in Parenting. It’s a learning process. We learn, share and inspire. Great article Reema !!

    • Reema Sahay

      Indeed Diana. Thank you so much 🙂

  • Bindu Manoj

    You’ve raised a concern that I too have , frequently. We talk about good parenting , bringing up our kids in the right way and things like that. But, are we perfect parents?
    Then, I realize if all those who advice / write / talk about life or business or whatever were perfect, we would be living in an ideal world.

    I think what we write about are sometimes from our experiences and sometimes from our aspirations. And it somehow puts an onus on us to walk the talk, so much more better for our kids, I say 🙂

    • Reema Sahay

      I could not have articulated this better Bindu. You have nailed it. It is part experience, part aspiration; isn’t it? To put it this way, the first step is to be aware about what we are doing and what we would like to do. The second step is to implement whatever we can. And the next step is to keep pursuing our dream of being that perfect parent that we want to be. Atleast for me, this is how it is. I have many moments of depression as well about whether I am doing enough. But it is better to question right now rather than regret later about what we could have done better. And also we learn so much from each other.