Being Mother Did Not Make Me All Perfect- I Still Lack Virtues.
Let me confess the grumpy side of my motherhood, I am aware but have failed infinite times. Idealism is a word which fled away from my window after I gave birth to my child.
Before that I was quite infused with an air of “nobility” and “morality” which you may refer as “idealism” but then gradually after becoming Mother…the self proclaimed adjective “idealism” had a litmus test.
I relished every second of my Motherhood but somehow was unable to be in terms with my “idealism” quotient which I had mostly carried when it came to giving tips to other parents.
She was growing and I was quite conversed with my Motherhood tact’s (I assumed so at least.)
She would invariably fancy for junk treats… may be a plate full of those noodles or just some sugary chocolate bites but I knew tricks to whirl her innocent mind. May be she would end up with her insipid bowl of carrots and beans with little lemon juice.
But all by myself, I was a guilt studded mind who indulged in preaching something which was far away from practical acts. I plunge into my sinful odyssey. A bowl full of those tacky, strappy unhealthy noodles with lots of lemon and chillies without the slightest sprinkle of any nutrition, I gulp on to my bowl while she is away. Standing tall just beside that, would be a can filled with chilled market fizzy drink which is a strict “no” when she is around but I make sure I had one while eating my junk bites.
Her gluttony face has sulked incalculable times while salivating on that drink but I was quite unyielding. She knew Mom would always preach good things, might be she had faith that Mom even practices that.
But my remorse knew no boundaries; I committed these misdeeds quite frequently. Idealism had become lonesome, I taught it but did I practice it? The word “Mother” spilled difficult words like “idealism” “nobility” “loftiness” and here I was all ripped off those virtues enjoying my erring delights.
The sinful story does not end here, hooked on to the T.V. and playing those games on my phone was such a pleasure, scrolling all those games, running late for my regular chores was quite a regular story. The bites and pangs of my guilt mocked my refrain countless times I uttered to my daughter “Now please leave that silly game of yours, do you have any idea how much you are addicted to it and waste time?”
The list is unending; I better not spill everything here. One day my daughter might come across this write-up and the answers would be too ludicrous to believe.
But somewhere the reality bites my inner conscience and I often realize brewing “Idealism “and “Parenting” are difficult. May be being aware is a good sign and may be this write-up knocks me and the first sign of change comes from me …within me.
So let me start practicing what I preach and let me be a little “Idealistic Mom” or you may refer “Sanskaari Ma” well I better do that. I know that I am not alone here confessing, there might be quite a few who have had the pangs while reading this 😉
Ronita-Maitra Bhandari is a free-lance creative writer who writes for various sites and blogs. She has also done a certified course in “Positive Parenting” from U.K. She is a mom to a 7-year-old and loves nurturing her greatest resource, her daughter. Apart from writing she is a nature lover and gets energised wandering around green patches. She believes family is a treasure chest and children are those precious jewels in the chest who sparkle to illuminate lives. What else would one desire to live a rich life?
