Head Over The Heart

48 hours before the trip: 1000 thoughts over my mind- Will she be okay? Will she eat properly? What if she cries uncontrollably? How will everyone pacify her then? What if she misses me and refuses to speak to anyone? Is my decision of not taking her along, right? Though I knew she was in the safest hands and her grandparents would take utmost care of her. But still, am I being a mean mommy? Sleepless night!

24 hours before the trip: Packing is half- done, so many things still left, little excitement, want to spend more time with M, preparing her mentally that we won’t be around for some days and she should eat and sleep with Dadi. But we need this break, she should be okay. Sleepless night yet again!

The D-day: Packing – check, all final arrangements – check, thank God the flight was late night, she would sleep by that time. So with an extra big hug and kiss I put her to sleep, mixed feelings, guilt pangs, separation anxiety!

This was not the first time that I was leaving M at home with her grandparents and going out for a trip, but somehow this time I was not that convinced to leave her behind as she is in her terrible twos now! Since, we were going to an exotic foreign destination, where vegetarian food availability was very tough, plus the weather and sightseeing places were also not apt for a 26 month old kiddo… Also she would not remember anything right now and it would be troublesome for both of us. So we had to take a decision which was head over the heart!

The moment I landed there, I wanted to speak to M. We called up home and to my surprise she was absolutely fine. She very well knew that we have gone somewhere and will be back soon. (Thankfully, my preparing her mentally, worked) Tears roll down and this time from my eyes… Gosh, I was never such. I always wanted this holiday. But then why am I missing her so much… I mean I am happy that she is all set and not bothering everyone back home, but I guess I am so used to being with her all the time, that I just can’t imagine life without her now.

I know you can’t have all the balls in your court. Hubby kept reassuring me that she is having a good time there and let us also have the same here but at the back of my mind it was always her. I thought she would miss me more but had never thought it would be the other way round. ;). So I was feeling a bit better now and less guilty. After all we moms too have a life and can think about the self too at times. Especially when the kid is happy, mom is super happy! 🙂

Last day of the trip and yayyy, I was excited like never before. It’s not that we didn’t have fun; of course, who would not want to spend un-interrupted time with hubby-chubby. But the feeling of seeing M after 8 long days was just beyond explanation. I thought the only heaven on this earth was the place where we had been, until I reached my daughters arms. Thankfully, M did not cling on to me after the trip. She was obviously very happy to see us back but was in her own world and didn’t become “chipku”. So I thought it was a good decision for both M and me.

Many people think that I am a selfish, irresponsible and a bad mom who goes out and have fun without her kid. But I think as long as your child is comfortable and you have a support system for your kid (grandparents), you definitely deserve a small break out of the long 365 days. Here are a few reasons why:

• You deserve it!
• No matter how much you are attached to your child, there is a need of your own space and freedom.
• It’s okay, sometimes, to listen to your head instead of the heart, less of a mom and more of a GURL!!!
• You spend quality time with your husband.
• It is a good exercise for the kid to deal with his/her insecurity related to parents.
• The child becomes independent. Like now it’s time for her to go to playschool, and it will be easier for her if she has the habit of staying without her mom for some time at least. (fingers crossed)
• The child gets better with his/her grandparents.
• You become a changed person. Ever since I have come back from the trip, I scold her less, understand her more, spend more time with her and of course love her more. 😉

But don’t worry, this does not mean I will be leaving her and going on a trip every year but will take her along only when both of us are ready. After all, she also needs to explore the world. 😉

So, when are you packing your bags now?

I am Nitika Sipani, an interior designer by profession, full-time job as of now is that of a mother of a 2-year-old daughter (Myra) whom I dearly call ‘Little Miss M’! Of all the jobs till date, this one is the most challenging and every day is a new learning experience!! I enjoy writing and have developed it as a hobby, would like to become a freelance writer someday! You can connect with me on my blog: Juss lik dat.