A few days ago, I was watching a kids’ table tennis and chess competition held by an organization. All the kids were playing well, giving their best to win. Everyone was supporting their favourite player or a friend’s son/daughter.
Although none of these caught my attention. my attention was on those few parents who were comparing their own kid with the opponent.
“You are not focusing, see how focussed he is.”
“You are not at all competitive, you won’t win like that, look at her!!”
“ You get tired so fast. Look at him how energetic is he!!”
All such comments, might be intended to motivate the kid, but does it really do that? It actually demoralises the child by the fact that he/she does not measure up to his opponent. The task of parenting is changing with the needs and abilities of children. There is no “one size fits all” for parents. Comparisons leads to the extent that we start questioning our parenting abilities, and I believe that’s natural.
We have learned from experience that there is absolutely no value in comparing our kids with the other child in terms of behaviour, academics, games, extracurricular activities etc. Yet it’s inevitable, we as parents do compare our children with other kids or even their own siblings. You all will agree that the world is made up of milestone charts and peer comparisons.
Being a mom is as simple or challenging as it can be. Don’t get me wrong, but we always feel that ‘The Grass Is Always Greener On The Other Side.’ What if our kid is not able to play guitar as good as the other kid? What if our kid is not a great table tennis player or a super dancer? If our child doesn’t do any of these things, does that make him/her lag behind in life? No. Absolutely not.
We all know our kids better than anyone else, don’t we? We know that he can kick the ball hard enough to end up in those nets as a goal, we know that your daughter notices that one girl in the school who is left out and extends her hand. But we keeping wondering if our child is good enough than so and so. Remember, every child is unique and special. Let the child be a child.
They develop at their own pace and in their own way. Don’t push your expectations on them. Teach them to make positive choices, praise them for their good deeds and behaviour. Make them understand that its okay to make mistakes and they can be a great learning experience.
Yes, we do not want them to sit and do nothing, so indulge them into activities which will make them well rounded human. Involve them into things what they want to do instead of what you want them to do. It’s good to let children choose their own path. Let them live their own dream.
Shazneen says – A daughter, sister, wife and a mother to a 10 year old son Tanush; with all these roles up my sleeve, I read and pursue my writing through my blog ‘Shazneen’s Blog‘. I believe that thoughts are like waves which are difficult to control, hence most of my writings are like the beating of my heart.