When I was young I had this peculiar or rather normal tendency to seek a corner at my room, where I would have some time to myself, where silence and calmness would make their rounds.
A complete blow off knocked me, no, not down but up when I became a Mother, literally felt amused by my upheaval or rather evolution from being that cranky young girl seeking for her own space to a composed to a Mom surrendering all her space. Here I was the same person though; amusing it was somehow, how I could be in love with those ever clumsy rooms, cluttered bed, tangled space and a shabby “me”.
I still remember my Mom‘s waggish tone coaxing me “Hey, come on now, just keep yourself away from that mirror, you look fine. Take some time off from your own self, how you will manage when you become a mom.”
And I used to giggle away “That’s not my cup of tea, enjoy yours.”
And after few years here I am, not in and around the mirror, the mirror does not enjoy anymore being gazed hours by her admirer, she knows there is someone else in her mistress’s life.
Who cares about those unkempt tangles, the comb too leads a forlorn life, the wardrobe waits for hours to be embraced once but just nearby is another small cupboard gleaming in pink of health, stacked with cute teeny things.
And I again go back to my childhood memories when I used to nag around Mom saying “Why do you have to spend so much time in kitchen experimenting” and there was this readymade refrain “when you become a Mom, you will understand” and then my answers were as obvious laced with the most reluctant attitude “I would never sprain my leg experimenting dishes for my kids, I have better things to do in life.”
And here I am blending that little carrot, fusing some pieces of tomato, weaving bunch of spinach bit into it, well the afternoon was spent quite effectively researching about the topic “Seven experiments which a mother can do while in kitchen” huh, is that me? Nah, ya, maybe, surely me when I hear that voice “Ma”
Last but not the least, the diaper tale. When I was young I used to ask my Mom “Do I have to clean Baby po-po when I grow up?” she used to reply back “Yes, dear you have to” and my ever ready answer would be “Life is much better off than cleaning messy diapers.”
Today I smile tenderly as I am all smudged with a sudden outpour. Murky clothes, dishevelled looks, sloppy hands but my heart melts away every time I see her delicate smile tucked in those petal sized lips, I embrace her spattered body sniffing her typical milk flavoured mouth and say “I would love to live my entire life being a mother, living in a messy way, muddled in chaos, snarled in clutter, unkempt, unpolished, uncombed but life is better in my own sweet disordered way.”
Thanks you so much for this little messy world you gifted me, who wants a perfect heaven when my flawed world is much sweeter with you my Angel. Thanks.
Ronita-Maitra Bhandari is a free-lance creative writer who writes for various sites and blogs. She has also done a certified course in “Positive Parenting” from U.K. She is a mom to a 7-year-old and loves nurturing her greatest resource, her daughter. Apart from writing she is a nature lover and gets energised wandering around green patches. She believes family is a treasure chest and children are those precious jewels in the chest who sparkle to illuminate lives. What else would one desire to live a rich life?