One Is Good… Thank You

Now that Zoe is 2.5 years old, people have started hinting that it’s time to have another baby. I just ignore or  just tell them ‘thanks for the suggestion’, but no thanks.

This post is not exactly about that… it’s about this discussion we had on a social networking site where a fellow mom asked “Just a general poll… single child vs. two children…” Ohh a topic where everyone had a say and everyone had to voice an opinion. 🙂

Most of the moms were ready for 2 kids… reason being – your present kid needs a companion. And siblings are a blessing from above. A mom also shared a link of an article in NY Times on the ‘The Gift of Siblings’. The article quotes a line, “Your parents leave you too soon and your kids and spouse come along late, but your siblings know you when you are in your most inchoate form.” I’d like to add to that, when you get married and have children, it’s your spouse and children who live with you and stay with you for a long time. Siblings then just become a part of holidays and occasions.

Now getting back to the topic, majority believed that having another kid is a blessing, for the parents and more so, for the child you already have. Some also said, that it is alright if people decide not to have a baby. Why have one child and feel it a burden to take care of him/her and then drop the idea of having a second child.

I would beg to differ… though I would love to have another baby (if my health permits) or I would love to take care of a child who needs parents and their love. There are so many kids who do not have mum or dad. That is right now a distant dream, and I hope it comes true one day.

There were some of us who said (and I truly believe in it) – It’s to each his own; having one child doesn’t mean being selfish. The couples who take the decision of having a baby after giving much thought are more prepared. In today’s expensive and busy times it is more important to think seriously before you commit to have a second baby.

Besides, we live in nuclear families, not joint, like our parents did. Help is difficult to find and most couples sometimes work in cities away from their home towns. One should plan for a second child only when they yearn for him/her just like the way they did for the first child. And not because the second one is needed to give company to the first.

Personally, now when we realise how much effort we need to put in our career and how much time we like to spend with Zoe,  we decided that we need just one biological child. I love being a Mom and I love Being Zoe’s Mom, but for me I think that is good enough as of now. At times, I feel so overwhelmed and hardly get time for myself.

Then there are financial matters too that we need to manage, keeping in mind the growing cost of kid’s education. Also, physically I’m not in a position to go through another pregnancy – though I’d love to. As parents, before deciding to give our older child a companion, we should ponder on the following questions:

• Are we, physically and emotionally, ready to have another little one in our lives?
• How are we going to cope with our career and the babies? Do we need an extra help… if yes, start searching for one right away.
• Why are we going for a second baby? Is it just to give our first one a company?
• Will our marriage be affected with a second baby?
• Can we wait any longer? If we want to have another baby … when?

So having one baby, two or multiple, should be your decision… not anyone else’s. Just because your friend’s having another doesn’t mean you should also take a plunge.

A story-teller, a Communication Trainer, a Parenting Blogger, a wife to her best friend and mum to the most adorable 2-year-old – Zoe. Falak Randerian, plays many roles, her favorite Being Zoe’s Mom. She runs story telling & communication workshop for kids My Little Chatterbox. You can read her personal blog Being Zoe’s Mom and her parenting website which she runs along with her elder sister www.momsters.in .