After I’ve had a child, the absurdity of the question hits me. Before I knew the unconditional love that would surge through me, the bond, the feelings of pride that would reverberate every time he smiled, I thought different. I had wanted a girl before N was born.
Why did I want a girl? Well, as the old saying goes: A son is a son till he gets a wife but a daughter is a daughter all her life.
So before I even had a child, I had envisioned a girl who would rediscover how wonderful her parents are after the terrible teens were done with. That she would be my friend and companion forever. And for a lot of people who want sons, they look past the countless joys of just having a child so that their family name is carried on, their business is looked after, or they are looked after in their old age.
It all boils down to expectations. Why do we look at 20 years into the future even before our baby is even in this world?
I read this line somewhere: Our children are not really ours. They are just gifts given to us to care for until they can take care of themselves. If we look at it this way, it makes no difference what gender the child is.
Whether I had a girl or a boy I would have wanted her to learn these lessons:
- Be a good human being and be kind.
- Be honest.
- Love with all your heart no matter if you get hurt.
- Be loyal to your own.
- Respect and love yourself.
I would have wanted to teach whoever was gifted to me to take care of how to take care of his or her self when the need arose.
As parents we have a very grave responsibility, of shaping the next generation and raising a well rounded and well loved individual. As gender roles blend and blur, it makes no difference what gender our child is.
I plan on having a second. Already many friends and family have asked me, ‘what will you do if you have another boy?’
‘I don’t mind another boy’, I say ‘At least the clothes will get reused.’
‘What?’ they ask, ‘but no one takes care of parents the way girls do’.
I have been guilty of thinking this way in the past. I really used to think having two boys would be awful. The reasons were wrong. I thought with two boys “I” would be lonely, as the only woman in the family. But what about the years and years of frolic in a household filled with action and broken things? What of the wonderful childhoods, skinned knees and bedtime reading?
Today I can happily say that I look forward to my second son if he does arrive as much as I would look forward to a daughter.
Because I know I would love any of them as madly as I do the first.
Thanks for reading. What do you think? Have you had gender preferences for the second child? If so, why?
Aloka Gambhir is a new mom (since October 2012). She is a fitness and nutrition enthusiast and a health and fitness blogger since 2011. She is a Mumbai mom following an alternative lifestyle called the paleo/primal or evolutionary lifestyle. She is passionate about helping fellow moms follow their instincts to a healthier lifestyle for themselves and their family by questioning the rules and conventional wisdom on her blog: www.wholesomemamma.in