I lost my first pregnancy when I was in my second month. I had been travelling for a training program and when I returned I suffered a miscarriage. A first pregnancy is very special, and to lose it like that is every woman’s worst nightmare. As much as the news of pregnancy can fill one with joy, the news of loss of pregnancy can be devastating. Losing a child is never easy whether early in pregnancy or into the later months, but when that happens late into the pregnancy it can cause a lot of mental trauma.
While the body heals very quickly after a miscarriage, the mind takes longer to heal. Coping with the loss and letting yourself recover can be difficult but it is also important to believe that the intense feeling of sadness will gradually pass. Here’s what I learnt while coping with my loss and from the support group of other moms who had suffered a similar ordeal.
It’s okay to grieve
There is no need to keep your emotions bottled up. It is okay to cry and let the emotions flow. You may feel exhausted, moody, even angry, lose sleep over it, or lose your appetite. A sympathetic ear can make all the difference. Remember that it is not your fault neither of your spouse. Talk to each other and give yourself time to mourn. Talking to a friend or family will definitely help. Eventually you will get over the pain. Remember that this time will pass and so will the grief.
It’s okay if you don’t feel the grief
Many moms don’t feel the grief associated with the loss. If you feel so too, don’t beat yourself over it. It’s okay not to feel any emotion at all. In such a case don’t let someone else make you take a guilt trip by telling you that you sound terribly cold. Sometimes, there would have been riders all through the pregnancy, or you might be having a very difficult pregnancy which has been giving you a gut feeling that your pregnancy might not carry through. And when that happens, the mind is already prepared for the eventuality and might get over the loss quickly. So there’s nothing wrong or cold about it at all.
Let someone else do the talking for you
Sometimes it gets on your nerves telling people about the miscarriage again and again. Though friends and family may mean well, you might still experience sadness and even anger talking about it repeatedly. It will help to let a family member take over when questions are asked. Some people can be insensitive with their hurtful comments. Someone blamed me for travelling during my first pregnancy. But I had no idea I was pregnant when I travelled. And when I was going through a sense of loss myself, I didn’t want to hear such hurtful comments. So whenever people wanted to know about it, I let my husband do the talking. It spared me from a lot of emotional trauma.
Divert your attention
Though it is difficult to take your mind of the loss, it will help if you can look at something else for a while. I have been always interested in gardening, and I took up to renewing my garden. I planted about 11 varieties roses, some daisies, some crotons and some decorative plants. They became my babies for a while till I got over my pain. A friend who lost her second child found comfort in her first born. Do something that you enjoy. Don’t let yourself wallow in self pity.
It is not the end of the road.Many people fear that once they have miscarried, they will never conceive again. This is totally untrue. I gave birth to two healthy babies who are doing quite well. The fear of losing the baby again can grip you and it is perfectly normal to feel anxious. But learn to relax, take good care of yourself and stop worrying and all will be well.
My name is Shubhangi Srikanth and I write under the pen name Titli. I started my blog “The Little Princess” and it helped me channel my thoughts in the proper direction. After having worked for more than 12 years in the Pharmaceutical and Banking sector, I now freelance as a content writer for medical and health websites. I have two adorable boys, who have taught me more about life than I could teach them. Being a mother is one of the most fulfilling roles of my life, one that I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world!