A Day In The Life Of A Non-Working Mother
A day in the life of a non-working mother!
5:48 am: Wake up startled to loud ‘Mumma! Mummaaaaaa!’ cries. Drag yourself to the crib. Stand besides the crib, try to pat Baby G to sleep. She cries louder – ‘Mummaaaa?’ Pick her up, come back to bed. Feed her, praying sleepily that she falls asleep.
6:21 am: Sit cross legged on bed, with baby G on lap, still trying to get her back to sleep. Husband covers his ears with a pillow because of the now-howling Baby G. Breast feed. Doze off while breast feeding, almost fall off the edge of the bed, baby in lap.
6:30 am: Give up hopes of sleeping. Still pat the baby.
6:43 am: Baby sleeps. Husband wakes up. Lie down next to baby for some sleep; get up the next minute to pee. Come back to find baby G sitting and playing with your phone, fully awake.
6:45 am: Carry Baby G to the bathroom and try to get her to pee. Baby G laughs. Try again, loudly reciting ‘Susu! Susu!’ She giggles some more and splashes herself with water from the bucket.
7:00 am: Change Baby G’s wet clothes. Come out to the living room. Step on a Lego. Curse loudly than cover your mouth, eyeing the baby. Baby wriggles out of your arms, wants to walk towards her toy basket.
7:03 am: Baby G pulls her toy basket, toy basket falls, and there are toys everywhere. Pick up all the toys, loudly reciting ‘No Throwing. No Throwing.’ Baby throws angry bird toy at your head. Husband laughs. Baby G claps. Loudly recite ‘Clapping – Clapping’ while rubbing your head.
7:08 am: Drink water, pick up Baby G and give another shot at toilet training. Give up. Return to the living room. Baby G pees on you. Change into another pair of sweat pants.
8:00 am: Husband leaves for work. Baby G plays with toys. Show her porridge and bread, she points to porridge. Cook porridge for her, burn a toast for yourself and slather it will jam. Feed her one spoon of porridge. She spits it back on you and grabs a toy. Change into husband’s boxer shorts. She refuses to eat porridge.
9:00 am: Baby G has eaten one spoonful of porridge, rest is lying on the floor or sticking on your hair.
9:25 am: Take Baby G for a bath. She refuses to get in the tub.
9:28 am: Quickly brush teeth while baby G is splish-splashing in her tub.
9:35 am: Baby G refuses to get out of the tub.
9:42 am: Baby G is still in the tub, happily making her bath toys swim. Door bell rings. Thrice. Baby G refuses to step out of the tub. Door bell rings again. Grab Baby G forcefully and run towards the door. Baby G howls and pull your hair.
10:00 am: How is it only ten??? Baby G is playing hide and seek with the maid, still in her pink bath robe. Eat two spoonfuls of porridge – breakfast done!
11:00 am: Maid is finally working. Baby G is busy with her toy piano, playing loud songs and tunes. Try to ignore your headache. Baby G giggles at the dog sound that toy makes, you smile and clap with her, loudly reciting ‘Dog! Dog!’ Maid looks at you strangely.
12: 23 pm: Go in the balcony, show stray dogs to Baby G. She claps.
12:46 pm: Still in the balcony, trying to spot a stray dog to show Baby G who is shouting angrily, demanding more dogs.
1:00 pm: No dogs. Come inside. Give Baby G a dog stuffed toy. She cheers happily, grabs him, pats him to sleep. Yawn widely.
1: 12 pm: Run around Baby G trying to get her to eat vegetables and butter.
1:30 pm: Try to wash the butter out of your tee shirt. Pick boiled vegetables from the floor. Cry a little. Baby G claps.
1:32 pm: Explain to baby G why mumma is crying and how mumma is exhausted hoping she sleeps longer and better from now on. She nods, gurgles and smiles widely. She then poops.
1:45 pm: Baby G eats one carrot stick, two spoons of porridge, half slice of apple and 240 ml of water. Sigh loudly. Pick up the rock hard toast with jam, throw it in the bin.
3:00 pm: Baby G sleeps in her crib after you singing 27 songs. Quickly take a bath. Forget to wash your hair. Cook dal and rice for Baby G. Eat the hot dal, burn your mouth.
3:10 pm: Husband comes home for lunch. Sit with him and take a bite. Baby G wakes up.
4:45 pm: Husband is sleeping. Baby G is pulling along her pull-along duck and laughing happily. You slump on the couch.
4:54 pm: Baby G throws her duck on the floor loudly. Wake up startled. Baby G hugs you and pats you. Smile and hug her tightly. Try to get her to eat an apple. Fail.
6:00 pm: Husband goes back to work. Take Baby G to the park. A mom from the park says hi. You tell her there’s dried Farex on her eyebrows. Feel good. Baby G runs in the park behind a huge Lab. Run behind her, laughing.
6:07 pm: Baby G scares the dog owner, who takes the dog away from the park. Baby G cries. Look for stray dogs. Fine none. Come back home.
7:45 pm: Forcefully feed baby G dal rice. Husband comes home. Baby G wiggles out of your hold and runs to him like a tortured prisoner. Husband feels good. You feel good that she’s eaten. Baby G pees on husband.
8:38 pm: Eat dinner with husband while he holds Baby G and she picks salad from his plate and eats. Admire the peaceful scene and feel good. Baby G throws salad leaves on you and giggles. You giggle and eat the leaves. Yummmm, food is good, who knew?
9:27 pm: Husband plays with baby G while you check your emails. Delete all. Buy diapers online. Get distracted by new range of stilettos. Remind yourself you can’t wear heels since you’ve gained weight. Cry a little. Place an online order for Tummy Tucker.
9:33 pm: Cancel the Tummy Tucker order.
10:10 pm: Drink coffee with husband. Tell him you will go for a walk after Baby G sleeps. He laughs heartily and massages your shoulders. Yawn.
10:45 pm: Take a sleepy but protesting Baby G to sleep. 18 songs later, baby G finally sleeps. Put her gently in her crib. Exhale.
10:57 pm: Reflect on the day and decide to manage time better tomorrow. “Walk?” Husband asks sheepishly. Glare at him and put on your walking shoes… just kidding. Just shrug, blackmail him into making you a large mug of hot chocolate. Drink hot chocolate. Go to bed.
Aditi Mathur was born on Feb the 14th and since then it has all been awkward for her. A strong believer of “Whatever!”, an ex-advertising girl, a once-upon-a-time blogger, an out-of-place Army Wife and a real-life social person, she has now given up everything for her adorable almost-nine-months old daughter Gauri (Um, also for Twitter, actually). Stalk her at http://damonologue.blogspot.
