Parenting is just like a rollercoaster ride – in the beginning there is so much excitement and joy, then moving further there is so much fun and later comes the scary part..
When my little soul was born, my happiness knew no bounds, I was so excited! In his process of growing up there was so much fun, you know taking those cute little tiny steps, babbling, so much love reliving all those moments. But as he turned 5 plus, I saw so many changes in him like using slang words, not responding despite me calling so many times and crying when not given his gadgets. Initially I ignored all of them as seasonal changes or absorbed them just as a part of growing up but gradually I realised it has became his nature.
I questioned my own self – where I have been wrong, where my parenting didn’t work. Being a stay at home mommy, I felt I was falling from my own set expectations, for all my attention has always been on him, his company, raising him in the best possible way. I have tried all Saam, Daam, Dand, Bhed but nothing really worked for long. I turned for advice to Google baba, next door mommies and was questioned on my parenting techniques. But I have never been the one who has taken parenting as a set of rules or followed any particular style. For me, parenting has no rules and it’s like a new challenge and joy with each coming day.
So, Do you follow any particular style? Yes, there are parenting styles, as defined by clinical and developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind.
This is considered as the brigade of most effective parents. They provide a healthy environment to the kids, they have high expectations from their children but present their expectations in the most comfortable way. There is always an open communication. So do you fall under this? Yes you do, if you have planned things like your dear beta knows that there is a fixed time for his study, children know what is expected from them and so the expectations from parents is set very clearly. Can your children, without any fear of being judged, share their heart out with you? If you know, what a child can do at a particular age ( I know parents of a Class 8 student who expect their child to join IIT coaching )…
If you just nodded a yes to the above questions, you are on the right track Mommy and Daddy.
Well, are there really any parents, the so called uninvolved ones? I doubt. This is the most harmful parenting style where parents are often not aware about their child’s physical, emotional needs, where parents are too busy to know with whom their little darling is hanging, and they are the one class of parents who are physically there with the child but otherwise tapping fingers on their cell phones…which I guess many of us at times do too!
I feel sad but yeah, at times I get into this category. Permissive is another harmful style of parenting. These parents set or mould rules as per their convenience. These are the parents who often bribe their children in lieu of doing the task. ( I can see few heads nodding again ). These parents don’t want to get into confrontation mode and so they often break their own rules which later results in less disciplined kids. It might be our kids’ favorite style but surely it is not a great way to raise them.
To name it the Hitler class, wouldn’t be wrong I guess. They are the ones who follow a strict time table and no matter what, the rules should be followed. They are the decision makers in every event of their kid’s life. It’s where the child is given very few choices and parents are not so vocal in expressing the love. Though these kids often turn out to be more disciplined and organised, but there always remains a gap of open communication.
All of us often find ourselves at crossroads at one point or another. I am still trying to find to which category I fit most, also I am still trying to learn how I can raise my son in a right way. How we are as a parent plays the most important role in forming the personality of our child as an adult. So figure out your best style, raise them the best way, for we are not going to get the opportunity to raise them again. This reminds me of a very renowned poem by coach Diana Loomans:
If I had my child to raise over again,
I’d finger paint more, and point the finger less.
I’d do less correcting, and more connecting.
I’d take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I would care to know less, and know to care more.
I’d take more hikes and fly more kites.
I’d stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I’d run through more fields, and gaze at more stars.
I’d do more hugging, and less tugging.
I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.
I’d build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I’d teach less about the love of power,
And more about the power of love.
It matters not whether my child is big or small,
From this day forth, I’ll cherish it all.
Mansi says: I am a Delhi based personal blogger and a mother to a five year old. I love to express my thoughts through my writings. I express, share and write about relationships and parenting in modern times and everything in between. So far, I have blogged for various parenting sites and brands. I also blog at lyflikedat.