It was a bright summer afternoon. We had recently moved to the capital city and just like any working woman, I was busy with the new job and new life in a new city. But that afternoon changed my whole life. I was feeling dizzy for two days and out of the blue, I bought a home pregnancy test kit. I was so impatient that I didn’t even wait till the morning and took the test right away. As the second line was turning pink, my knees buckled and I had to support myself with the bathroom wall. I was happy as it was unexpected but all together very nervous.
Later I went to a gynaecologist and she confirmed that I was indeed pregnant. The baby silently made a home in my tummy and over a single night, I was on the path of motherhood. I was blessed with a very healthy and beautiful pregnancy. I prepared, I waited and made sure that we have everything for the little one after the birth. I checked and rechecked every pregnancy website, mommy blog and created lists after lists of what to expect and what not. I bought piles of nappies and other necessary things for a baby. I read and reread about breastfeeding and other important baby related things. By the end of the nine months, I became an expert of everything related to a baby.
The much anticipated day arrived. I was blessed with my very own tiny human being. I cried, I laughed and I panicked. Yes. I panicked. He was so tiny and fragile that I was afraid to even hold him. The doctor gave him to me for him to get skin-to-skin contact and I shook right through it. What if I dropped him? What if I hold him in a wrong way? I tried to recall every piece of advice I read but nothing seemed to suit me and my baby.
Then came the ritual of breast feeding. Every article, every other woman told me that it was an out of the world experience. They said that it was divine. But as soon as my baby suckled my breast, I panicked again. It hurt me. The sensation irritated me and I was horrified to find that it did not feel divine. I was disgusted with myself but I still tried to be happy about it. But I could not. It was really painful so I followed the doctor’s advice to feed him every two hours for at least thirty minutes. I dreaded those moments when he started suckling. I surfed the internet but it was so confusing that I stopped reading anything on it. After this there were the nappies to tackle. I religiously tried to follow the nappy rituals with clothes but after two weeks of washing and constantly changing a pile of those triangular monsters, I quit. I asked the doctors about diapers and once I got convinced about using it, I switched to them.
As time passed by, everything became easier. The breastfeeding sessions turned into fun once I adjusted myself with the baby and his demands. Nappies were still used occasionally to give him some relief from diapers. The bath sessions became easier and so did the relation between my baby and me. We were both novices and we both took time to adjust. After two years, the bond between my son and me is stronger than ever. We know each other very well and we both act accordingly. I learnt that no matter how prepared you are, motherhood is a whole different thing.
You learn on the go and nobody can teach you better than your baby. Give yourself time to grow as a mother. Give time to your baby too; listen to him even if he can’t talk. Understand both of your needs. Don’t rush things, never. If you are a new mom and are still struggling to adjust with your new role, do not panic. Keep faith in yourself and your baby. You will definitely crack the myth of motherhood. Just remember, it is your baby and it is the best thing that has happen to your life.
Puspanjalee is a blogger and book editor who juggles continously between her job and her two year old human offspring. Whenever she gets time, she loves to talk about babies & parenting, time management for working moms, photography and books. She muses regularly on www.mywritingmyworld.com