1 Or 2, My Dubious Chronicle Continues

Well, being a single child I carried a bag with mixed feelings. My thoughts wavered every time right from my childhood till now, keeping me in the dubious state.

One Or Two Child, My Dubious Chronicle Continues

It has two sharp edges which tried to make its own point every time and yes I being totally swamped with those thoughts started pouring down my points here.

These stray thoughts had evoked many expressions since childhood. I was a single child and had my bag always filled with those mixed voice. I used to see many of my friends with their siblings. I used to think what it would have been if I had a little sister or a brother who would battle with me for his toys and I would struggle to keep my share of things away from him, what when we would have those funny arguments where I would give him a blow on his nose and he would attack me with vengeance with that soft pillow, I would shout at his silly, insane, absurd awful experiments and he would display his dull, expressionless face while I displayed my new pink dress. I would ask for the remote to watch a fairy tale show and he would snatch away that for his soccer match. Would I have loved all those tit-bits? Yes, might be!

Then Mom would have shouted at him when he would tease me with his nonsensical, senseless comments and I like a silly soul would ponder on the thought “My brother does not care for me, he is silly.”

And then all our egos would vanish in that little drain like it never existed laughing all our way with our idiosyncrasies. But being a single child I always relished all my shares all alone right from parent’s love to that little piece of delightful chocolate bite which Aunt Deepa had brought all the way from Brazil, well those soft candies and cookies I had gulped without even caring for anybody else’s share and that remote had not suffered any brutal attack, getting thrown away every minute by its master according to his whims or her moods. Well, don’t know if that asserts me as a selfish little soul but no I am fine today I don’t suffer from any such endemic as being a selfish Mom, or a self seeking wife. I share 🙂

When it comes to my daughter I again sail on that little boat with the same mixed state.

Can I take the responsibility of two? Why, isn’t it good living a complete life with all my time left for my passions, for settling household chores in a better way rather than toiling and scratching my head all day for those little hearts screaming, screeching and roaring. At the end of the day it’s sparing my head, straining my mind and twisting my limits to best possible ways would leave me with this tone might be “Whole day I have been doing nothing other than managing everything” but might be my spunky hairdo (unkempt), my faded lips, my shoddy face and my irked eyes would still relish that gleam when I would see my two precious gems smiling at each other, caring for each other and throwing pillows with the most ferocious expressions.

Again that mixed bag weighs me down and I think “Am I depriving my single child?” or “Well, at least I have quality time for all of us, let me bring her up in a better way.”

Don’t know! What do you say?

Ronita-Maitra Bhandari is a freelance creative writer who writes for various sites and blogs. She has also done a certified course in “Positive Parenting” from U.K. She is a mom to a 7-year-old and loves nurturing her greatest resource, her daughter. Apart from writing she is a nature lover and gets energised wandering around green patches. She believes family is a treasure chest and children are those precious jewels in the chest who sparkle to illuminate lives. What else would one desire to live a rich life?

  • whatever2007

    Dont know Ronita, struggling with these decision since last two years. My daughter is now 4.5 years. I have kept the decision to stick at 1 to maintain my sanity, and manage everything else well. And other times when I look at it, am I depriving her the pleasure which I can only give her? Will she miss this joy of having a blood relation after I am gone? Who will she share with her memories once we the parents are gone? I have a sister so I know. Phew, I tell you sometimes I feel I will explode thinking all this.

    I am still not sure. I am happy, giving her all the attention, and a good quality life and when I shout at her & become impatient I again decide NO I cant handle more.

    Wish, it was as simple as deciding by tossing a coin in air.

    • ronita

      Thanks for reading, I can understand it’s a conflicting feeling every time when you still have a mind to go for a 2nd kid but yes there are both the side of coin, at the end it should bring happiness to each one of us. Don’t overburden yourself with these things if don’t want then fine, it’s not such a big issue,I am single child and it’s fine.