To Whom Ails The Separation Anxiety?

Bit by bit, my notions and my perspective about motherhood and its various phases are changing. Before the little on walked into my life, I had my own theories about everything. All of this accumulated from experience as a maasi to my now 8-year old nephew and all the books and articles I have read over a period of time. But for nothing do they say “Child is the father of man”.

Separation Anxiety In New Moms - Parenting

Yesterday I tossed away another one of my pre-pregnant emotions (if I may say so). I always associated Separation Anxiety with both mom and the kid. Leaving your baby for that first time after his/her birth must be emotionally trying for both. While the mother may have nervous pangs of how the baby would feel at not finding her in sight and reach like every other day, the kid might feel cranky and not eat his/her food.

Last week, I went through the same emotions as my time to join office had come. After 6 whole months. 6 months of being with her, and tending to her every wish. And suddenly, I would start going to office, leaving her to the care of her grandparents. I was in tears the day before but I had composed myself by the morning when it was time to leave. But after reaching office, I would call home every hour to check on her. “Oh, she is doing fine. Eating well. Playing”. I can’t tell you, there haven’t been sweeter words uttered. Ever. Not even the first I love you. Or maybe just close enough 😉 As I reached home, I rushed inside and ached to hold my baby in my arms again. She looked at me, smiled and continued playing as nonchalantly as ever. She was, in fact quite surprised by my passionate display of love a moment later. If she could speak, she might as well have just said “Chill mom. Take it easy peasy”!

Today is my fourth day of office. And the routine is almost the same. I leave, I call, I come back. She looks; she smiles and continues to play. No crying, no tantrums and no special attention to the doting mother on her return. Do I miss being missed? May be a teeny tiny bit. But majorly I am as happy as anyone in my shoes can be. I can’t ever imagine how or what it would take for a mother to leave a child crying for her and go to office because one has to. And I am sure there are a lot of mothers out there who have been there done that. Kudos ladies. I think scaling Mt. Everest just comes about second to this feat.

And so, my funda of separation anxiety has been updated. The anxiety is majorly for us mothers, who can’t ever seem to get enough of their babies. Meanwhile the babies continue to explore their surroundings and play along. We think it’s the baby who won’t be able to manage without us. In reality, it’s just the other way around!

Ghata has been quite the center of attention during her school and college days due to her unique name, but now she enjoys her new found title of Mommy to her 5 month old hyper active princess. She is an Engineering Graduate and works with an MNC for a living. But what she really loves is reading books, spending time with her baby and writing about anything that catches her fancy. She blogs at My World. Also, she is the author of a future bestseller. At least in her head 🙂

  • Shuchi Garg

    I read and love all your blogs, Ghata. But this one forced me to leave a comment. I must say that you are lucky for not being missed. I know, that hurts sometimes but it is a sweet pain. I still remember and feel guilty of those days when I had to leave my son crying to go to work. I used to feel so helpless and guilty. Its been more than a year and I still feel the same intensity of pain when I think about it. Can still see those eyes, filled with tears, staring at me and begging me not to leave him and go. Tears are rolling down my cheeks while typing this out. Just want to tell you that feel blessed and pray that you never ever have to see a day like that…the day you feel helpless.. Coz, this is the worst feeling a mother can ever have.

    • ghata singhal

      I can completely understand your emotions Shuchi. And I am glad this post “compelled you to leave a comment” 😉

  • Ashish Jain

    Welcome to mumma’s world! You can’t expect from your child, its your turn to feel the pressure of her expectation as your mother had been doing since your birth.And if you are worrying about yourself being missed “just wait for few months as soon as she starts understanding the situation she will look for your attention and then you will definitelty be missed by her”. Overall you two will miss each other and will have best moments when together. 🙂

    • ghata singhal

      So true Ashish. My turn to feel the pressure now. And yes, once she grows up, she will start missing me. I just want to delay that moment as much as I can. Thank you for your kind remarks 🙂

  • ghata singhal

    Thank you Afshan 🙂

  • Roshni Aamom

    totally my experience too, Ghata! I think we moms think we should be the center of their world, but the truth is, it’s the other way around! 😀
    I must say that knowledge is a relief to me!!

    • ghata singhal

      ha ha….true! 🙂