Adopted Children

Are you planning to adopt a child or have you already adopted a child? I am sure you must have fulfilled all the legal formalities of adopting a child. I am not going into any form of legal issues. I am today dwelling on emotional and social issues, as far as adoption is concerned.

 

1. Before you adopt a child, you must be very sure that both husband and wife really want to have an adopted child.

2. You must decide firmly whether you want a male or a female child.

3. Once a child is adopted, you must treat the child as your own.

4. Give a thought whether you want a child from some relative or a known family or from some agency.

5. You must complete all legal formalities before the child is brought home.

Developing a bond with the adopted child is a very crucial task. You must remember a famous saying, ”Ties of love are stronger than ties of blood.”

Now you have the baby of your choice, you become responsible for its upbringing.

1. You must have his medical examination done thoroughly.

2. If the child has some problem, attend to it without any waste of time.

3. Complete all formalities( if not done so far) of adoption.

4. If you have adopted a child from a family or a known person, request them not to visit your house frequently. If they see the child very often, it is likely that they may develop an attachment for the child. I know a lady who gave her daughter to her brother for adoption. Every second day she stated visiting her brother’s house, carried the child and cried all the time.

If you already have a child, make him/her comfortable.Treat them equally without any distinction. You will need psychological, emotional and moral support from your spouse and relatives to bring up both the children.

If you have adopted the child through an agency, it is important that they let you know the social background, hereditary details, and religious faith of the biological parents of the child. In the case of a child born out of wedlock, it is essential to know the truth.

If you provide a nurturing, stimulating environment to the child, s/he will have a normal growth. The feeling of love, caring and attachment do not come instantaneously. It comes with the passage of time.

The most important point is whether to tell the child the truth of his adoption. I am of the opinion that it should not be kept as a secret. As the child grows and is able to understand, the reality should be told. Such matters do not remain a secret. If the child knows the secret from strangers he gets a jolt and he may not recover from the shock and his trust, love and bonding with the foster parents may be affected.

You may be over indulgent or too protective toward the adopted child for fear of the society, be sure not to succumb to such irrelevant talks. You know that he is your child and you are doing your best for him.The following quotation will clear your notion of letting the child know about himself/herself.

” Since I was five, I’ve known that I was adopted,which is a politically correct term for being clueless about one’s own origins” Jodi Picoult

Usha Menon, a 77-years-old retired educationist, who has four sweet, adorable grandchildren. Last year she wrote a book,”Reverse Gear.” This book is a sort of analogy between her professional and personal life, depicting the travails, ups and downs faced by an average working woman. As a retired person, She is leading a contented life with a loving husband, devoted son, daughter-in-law and two grand daughters. Her doting daughter, son-in-law, and two grand sons, who are very affectionate, look after her and her husband. She is grateful to God that He has, in His grace, given her an opportunity to live a life of peaceful contentment.