Only One! Are you Sure?… Yes, Of Course!

The neighbours, the acquaintances and my grand Ma would never forget to put this across.

Of course, she needs a brother to tie Rakhi to… what are you waiting for?

Only One! Are you Sure? Yes, Of Course! - Having A Second Child

My mother would say… She has cousins and she will tie Rakhi to them. What is the guarantee that the next one would be a boy?

What-ever, you need to have another one, after all she needs someone to play with!… Don’t you, kiddo? And my cheek would be pulled down.

No, I don’t think so… my Mum would say even before me.

(I never regret not having a sibling honestly, I have some great cousins.)

Are you sure?

Yes, of course!

The ‘onlies’ are difficult to deal with. They become pampered, spoilt and inept for the society.

Sigh!

Some things just annoy me like why are men spared of these volley of questions, strange looks and rude remarks. Why should only females sulk and go around with the guilt in the heart?

My generation does not want a second child and I can see there is a rise in the number of couples who say that ‘One is cool.’ Our parents and the generation ten years older to us and above, are not happy about it. I only laugh at it and to humor them I would say that just because they have had more than one doesn’t mean that they will not let us live a life uncomplicated… absolutely sorted with just one child, no offence intended to anyone.

Basically, the society does pressurize the parents to have a second child even if they decide not to have another one out of their own personal understanding. This should not be happening. No one has the right to intrude in personal matters and it’s just not about a simple yes or no. Raising a child is not a simple affair – said-n-done.

There’s more to it than reasons like need for a sibling, a boy, only one turning into a brat or lonely one. A couple has to assess their financial, emotional and physical capability and capacity both before going for another one. Something very important comes out of this is, just like we do not want someone to raise a question to us, similarly we should never poke others with such questions.

Majorly, whether one raises one, two or three kids, the most valued aspect of parenting is that children must be raised with a set of responsibilities. Also, there are no framed rules for raising a child. Even N number of books on parenting cannot guarantee perfect rules of doing it. Thus, I am sure we would all agree to it and let the parents decide the numbers for themselves.

And all those who want to keep one, let me assure you ‘one is fun’. I never regret for not tying a rakhi nor did I turn into a spoiled one. The credit for this goes to my parents. They ensured that they were my best friends and they did not pamper me in excess. Also I never felt lonely; I have had great friends and cousins who have given me all kind of emotional support. Touch wood!

A bit of my own experience:

I have had undivided attention.

I was always content, happy, looked after as all the time and energy of my parents was directed towards me.

I had best of things, whatever it was.

I had none to be compared to.

I never faced sibling rivalry.

I never felt they loved anyone more than me, not even for a day.

I learnt my independence soon enough.

I felt no loneliness.

I have had my ways at times but more than that my actions have been eyed upon promptly and properly.

Parental involvement has helped me talk everything to them and I would never term it as over-involvement.

I know I have the responsibility to look after my parents and even if I had siblings, my role would have still remained the same. Thus it’s been a cool experience to be the single one. Only if you want another one, go for it. Don’t look for excuses and don’t let others show you reasons for it.

The best of all, my parents were happy in raising a healthy, happy, mannered and well-educated daughter.

Engineer by Profession and an ABC by Passion, Manjulika Pramod would elaborate it as Artist, Blogger and a Crazy one for Books. Putting it other way round she loves to travel and write travelogues, she plays with colors to vent out her creative pangs. She is also an avid reader and out to spread the reading virus. She works with a telecom MNC and in little spare times, she reviews books and interviews authors. Manjulika has a story published in Chicken Soup for the Soul to her credit and you can catch her on her blog.

  • Muneera Mohammed Ali

    Dear Manjulika,
    All those reasons that you gave about how good you felt being an only child itself is a strong reason for why parents should try to have more than one child. I think having siblings is one of the best things that happened to me. No matter that I too had great friends and wonderful cousins but there definitely is something special about having a brother or sister. And whoever asked your parents to have more children definitely new what they were talking about. You have been lucky to have both your parents care and attention but believe me when I tell you that happiness and blessings are doubled when they are shared:-))

    • manjulika pramod

      I respect ur views as well and I do not say that more than one is not worth is. However, this should be the parents choice n reasons itself do not qualify to bring a new one in the world, there are many more things involved..

  • Sigh! I’m getting the ‘comments’ too. And my first one is just 2. 🙂 Thank you for this post. Straight from the horses mouth, and I shall be quoting it around! 😀

    • manjulika pramod

      He he!! Horses mouth… I thought of writing it because many parents have asked me how did it feel to be the only one and I would always say.. I loved it…

  • ronita

    Same here i too am a single child and dont think that has affected. my upbringing in anyway.The sole right should b with parents,its not an easy task To bring up a kid in a proper way,quality matters t han quantity.Good read,quite many times have to handle this query.

    • manjulika pramod

      Bingo! I concur on this quality matters more than quantity and the quantity holds no charm when u just doing for others..

  • Swati Nitin Gupta

    I wonder why people (strangers have to interfere) in such private matters. I remember post delivery, the nurse who had come to remove the drip from my hand asked me so when are you planning the second one? I was like EXCUSE ME! Just couple of hours back I have delivered my first one give me a break. And now when he will turning five next Saturday I am still asked so when are you planning your next one and when I tell them we are happy with one. I get the same response as the title of the post

    Only One! Are you Sure? and my response is Yes Definitely Sure

    • manjulika pramod

      This was too quick when you had just delivered a couple of hours back.
      I am glad you know your answer confidently…

  • manjulika pramod

    I am glad Reema that we agree with each other. Having siblings has been a great experience for almost everyone but obviously that does not qualify as a reason for having more kids for our own selves too. True, just to have someone play does not fulfill a criteria at all… Make the best of what you have..

  • manjulika pramod

    Thanks Sridevi… Raising a child involves every bit of practicality and It definitely needs to be dealt intelligently… One is absolute fun!!