Motherhood and anxiety seem to be age old pals. If you are a mother, it is a guaranteed fact that motherhood is bound to make you anxious sometime or the other. Right?
I may be a modern mother, motherhood having been bestowed upon me in a digital age – in a period where facilities are innumerable, choices many and conflicts highest. No wonder, I worry a lot although I do try hard and successfully many times too in converting worries into grains of dust that I brush off my mind every now and then.
I am a mother like any other. I go through the normal grind that Indian mothers go through – baby care, taking care of family, cooking, social gatherings, juggling personal and professional duties. Nothing out of the ordinary. We all do it, don’t we? But, after the tasks are taken care for the day, after the body takes some time off to rest, after the exhausted mind hangs up its eternally functioning shoes – fears, little ones gnaw on my brain.
My son is a teenager now and when I switch on the flashback mode I discover that the worries that I thought were worries way back seem nothing to what I worry about today. Maybe then, when my son was very very young his demands were practically non-existent – downright basic which any parent would voluntarily satisfy. Maybe then, his needs were practical which did not require any unique effort on my part. Maybe then, my little boy’s mental and emotional umbilical chord was still on. Maybe then, for my little boy, his mother had still not developed clay feet. She was THE Super Woman!
Not now! Today, he sees me in my true mortal form with my super limited abilities. No wonder, I witness his growing impatience with frustrating patience. Knowing well that he is only going through the hormone-over-acting phase, I still worry:
- Will my son grow up to be a good man?
- Will he achieve the professional excellence he aspires for?
- Will he be able to prevent the negative distractions, currently plaguing society, from affecting him and his life?
- Will he be honest and true to himself?
- Will he understand and appreciate true love for mate, friends, parents, God and humanity?
Maybe, I am looking too much into the future. But believe me, I do so to prevent my brain from working over time over little worries and fears like academic failure, accidents, friendship trauma, health concerns and so on and so forth. Now, I understand how my mother felt when she worried immensely about me most of the time.
Some day, I shall be able to relax in an old rocking chair and laugh at all my baseless concerns and then, be able to pat my back instead of dusting away imaginary worries!
Shail Raghuvanshi is a freelance journalist, content writer, editor, book reviewer and poet. She has 15 years of writing experience in newspaper, magazine, radio and television. She has worked as a Spoken English Teacher too. She runs a blog for writers called Write Space and blogs at her personal blog Muse N’ Motivation. A daughter, wife, mother and friend, she believes that there is no situation that can’t be made better. Faith, Friendship and Family are what makes her life complete.