• This is a lot to digest on a little sleep, but I’ll be mulling it over as I try to return to sleep. To one particular question I can respond now: do I judge the parents or not? My mom was oft judged (to be an unfit mother, or similar), so I was cautious with judgment, but there were times I’d slip into judging in my pre-parent days. Now I wonder, as a parent and one who’s had an acquaintance committed murder-suicide, “What are the unseen facts of the lives involved here?”

    In my acquaintance’s case, my sister and I had always seen a troubling emptiness in him that it perplexed us our friends couldn’t see through his charming facade. It was easy to see how the troubling-to-us aspects of his personality could have been in place for many, many years before we met him in high school.

    My godmother once told me that she was very judgmental in her pre-parent days as well, but much more reluctant to assign blame now.