My little 5-year-old is quite an emotional one. Whether it’s about crying at the drop of a hat, whether it’s about observing too much and delving deep, or whether it’s about getting emotional and attached too soon and then having a breakdown – she gets all of that. And I, as her mamma and best friend and most trusted confidante, as of yet, have been privy to all this and more.
So it is that there’s one aspect of parenthood that me and hubby have always been quite tiptoeing around – the concept of hitting and punishing. While I mention this, many modern-day mums n dads will already start scowling and putting up their noses at me – hitting or even lightly spanking a child these days is such a ‘no-no.’ I agree.
I’m not in favour of hitting too. I don’t remember a time ever in my childhood that my parents hit me – never.
But come on, who am I kidding? I’m not as patient or as a good a mother as my mother probably was. And I must admit, I do lose my temper sometimes. But yes, there’s again a limit to how much temper I will lose. And to be really honest, each time I scold her or give her a light whack, it makes me dive into the deep guilt tunnel for days.
With so many pressures hovering around each single day, it gets quite difficult to keep the cool, especially being a working mom who is now a work-from-home mommy. And let me tell you, I’ve done both, as in work crazy shifts in office and now work-from-home after having my daughter, and it’s the work-from-home that I find is way more crazy, difficult and tough to manage than the other situation.
In our case, most of the times a big-eye stare is enough to let my daughter know that she needs to stop whatever it is that she’s doing and get back on track. Hubby and I had decided quite early on that we won’t be the kind of parents who hit out at children, spanking them as a routine (yes, there are many educated parents who do that all the times), and it’s something we’ve kind of managed to stick to.
So, while we don’t really hit her, there are times when one of us will lose our cool and yell, or give her a light slap on the bum or arm. And that’s enough to bring out the tears and the protests about ‘you are being a hitting mamma, you don’t love me anymore.’
Of course, it pushes me into guilt. But to be honest, sometimes, a mere shout or big-eye-look isn’t enough. Though I’m absolutely ashamed each time I do this, and promise myself I won’t do it again, I know it will happen again.
Earlier, after each such episode, I would plunge into guilt and end up buying her something or giving her a treat to make up for my anger. Now I know better. I know that, that is definitely not the way to reach out to a little one, that it will only end up making her feel more confused. I’ve started taking it as part of my parenting ways for now, albeit one that I need to work on more. And with time, I know I will do away with the little bit of hitting completely. Fingers crossed.
Debolina Raja Gupta loves being a mommy and best friend to her 5-year old princess. A working mom, voracious reader, social activist, photographer, poet, travel freak, beauty writer and an everything-of-sorts. Best fun is story time and our fashionista time together. My blogs: The Book Worm, A Few Thoughts Here And There, My Little One And Me, Beauty Makeup And More.