Communicating With My Daughter

Does communicating with your child means just giving instructions, setting boundaries, telling them what is wrong and what they cannot/should not do? I think it is extremely important to strike a one to one communication with your child.

Communicating With My Daughter - Respect Your Kids - Communicate With Kids

When we were growing up, asking too many questions or having a healthy debate with our parents was not considered good. If you question them back… most of the time the response would be “because I told you so…” And if you still didn’t stop questioning them, you were called a rebel. Well, it is time things have changed, and I do see a change in things, but we still have a long way to go… I still have a long way to go.

I think while communicating with your child it is important not only to tell them things, it is equally essential to listen to your child. Try and get to know the person your child is, instead of just thinking s/he is absolutely like one of you. Listening to your child, will make them trust you even more. If you communicate with your child regularly and be beside them when they need you, the bond between you and your little one will grow stronger. For this it is also extremely important to treat your child with respect.

Zoe is a little kid under 2.5 years and we as parents respect her as an individual person. She has many traits she takes from both of us, but there are some traits which are unique to Zoe. We make sure we take out a moment every day, besides our play time and story time together to just speak to her. We take her inputs on little things, like the dress she’d want to wear or what she’d like to have during her meals.

Whenever (if at all) we have to say ‘No’, we always give her a reason. Both hubby and I make sure we speak slowly, stressing on words, maintain a nice tone, and having a pleasant look on our face. Right now a third person will not completely understand what Zoe says, but both of us don’t need to put in any extra effort.

Another thing which we keep in mind is, to pay attention when she speaks to us… that means no books, no mobile phones, no laptop, no TV, just Zoe and either of us. This session is full of cuddles and hugs (if she is in that mood). Once your kid is in school, you should ask them about their days… there are times when your child won’t be in a mood to speak to you and that is perfectly fine.

I have seen a lot of parents saying that their children seek attention when they constantly call their parents; this is not always the case. As parents it is extremely important for us to hear them out and get our message across. When speaking to Zoe, I try and make sure I get to her level and speak to her, without having anything else running in my mind.

I do try to keep my conversation simple, as she is still pretty young and learning to communicate. I try to restrict my ‘Nos’, because I read somewhere – when you say ‘don’t’ to your kids, they ‘do’ the same thing over and over again… hence I try to keep the conversation as positive as possible. And lastly, I try my best to respond to Zoe when she calls for me.

I think … no matter how old or young your child is, you should/can always strike a nice conversation with him/her. What is your take on the same… do you COMMUNICATE with your child?

A story-teller, a Communication Trainer, a Parenting Blogger, a wife to her best friend and mum to the most adorable 2-year-old – Zoe. Falak Randerian, plays many roles, her favorite Being Zoe’s Mom. She runs story telling & communication workshop for kids My Little Chatterbox. You can read her personal blog Being Zoe’s Mom and her parenting website which she runs along with her elder sister www.momsters.in . 

  • Hi Falak

    You are correct – it is so important to learn to communicate with our children and give them a reason for our no’s. I would like to add that at some level, it is also important that children learn to obey their parents when they sometimes say ‘no’ and can’t give a reason for it – this obedience itself will grow out of the fact that the child trusts the parent enough to keep her good in mind.

    I don’t mean that parents should be autocratic, but it will not harm the child to have her desires frustrated once in a while – she may state her preferences as to what dress she wants to wear, but this may not be acceptable to the parent, for instance, wearing a party dress to a play area.

    Teaching a child to deal with and accept frustration, and also learn to accept gratification delay is after all an important lesson for the future – when she won’t be surrounded by people so willing to accomodate her needs and desires.

    Kritika Srinivasan
    http://www.parentedge.in

    • Thanks for the comment Kritika, but I somehow (as mentioned in the post) am not a huge fan of just saying ‘No’ to your child. They deserve to know the reason behind it. I feel in our culture we parents expect their kids to do whatever they day, which isn’t fair… I’m not a huge fan of the “because I said so” approach of parenting. There is always a reason when we tell our children not to do something, a reason will only make them understand our perspective better, you can’t force them anyways. Like in the above example I would’ve told my daughter “if you wear your favorite party dress to a park/play area. It’ll get dirty, the dress might also get damaged when you play on slides.” Kids do respond better if we treat them with respect and try and understand they perspective. So I guess a healthy communication between parents n kids is mandatory for a good, healthy relationship… Where both the sides understand each other better. 🙂

      • Also the reason will help them deal with the situation better and make them a little less frustrated.

  • Thanks for the comment Kritika, but I somehow (as mentioned in the post) am not a huge fan of just saying ‘No’ to your child. They deserve to know the reason behind it. I feel in our culture we parents expect their kids to do whatever we say, which isn’t fair… that is the reason why I do not like the “because I said so” approach of parenting. There is always a reason when we tell our children not to do something, a reason will only make them understand our perspective better, you can’t force them anyways. Like in the above example I would’ve told my daughter “if you wear your favorite party dress to a park/play area. It’ll get dirty, the dress might also get damaged when you play on slides.” Kids do respond better if we treat them with respect and try and understand they perspective. Also the reason will help them deal with the situation better and make them a little less frustrated, because reason or no reason… you are anyways saying no to them. So I guess a healthy communication between parents n kids is mandatory for a good, healthy relationship… Where both the sides understand each other better. 🙂

  • Incredible lesson. You must be a lovely story teller too. In a world where communication channels break down with increased frequency, the bonds between the children and parents are reinforced with simple conversation. And when better to start than now!

    Loved this post

    • Absolutely its now or never. And storytelling is something I love… so I guess I’m pretty good 🙂

  • Hehe yes I totally agree with you on this. We try to get into conversations which are now getting more interesting and creative as she ages.. talk about flying donkeys and rainbows( sigh! donkeys are our fascination, they go heehaw you see!)