• SNRao

    Dr Asrani, this was a superb article & thought provoking too!The issue is very true, and is happening in most homes. The least we can do to our parents is to acknowledge their contribution and be sensitive to their needs .It is a give and take relationship offcourse!

  • Thanks, Dr Rao. In our quest of becoming ideal parents, we miss out the hurt we dish out.

  • I want to look at the other side of this. I am a young mother living abroad. I do not expect my parents to look after my child (My parents and parents-in-law work and I have no expectations that they should give up their career to take care of their grandkid). My mother did spend 4 months with me after the birth of my daughter and help me. My point is, we are raised to expect that our parents will help us during childbirth. It is our culture, our tradition whatever name you want to give it. But given the modern world, why do we need to lead young couples that parents will be willing to help them? In your example above have the parents told their son about their issues? Like they wanted to sightsee, to shop etc? And maybe even hint that they are too old to keep up with the crazy US life without help?

    Ideally I think, modern grandparents and grandparents-to-be should be clear enough early on that taking care of grandkids is a pleasure but expecting them to do the chores without help is not acceptable. Similarly youngsters moving abroad need to realize that they cannot expect parents to give up their lives in India and be at their beck and call

  • Vinitha
    You are right. This is our culture and my experience tells me grandparents are very happy to be around and help. What they don’t like is taking ‘TOTAL’ responsibility as most of them are physically not capable. & somewhere because we all have been brought up expecting the social infrastructure to e of help – an element of ‘taking for granted’ creeps in.
    What is required is to accept that grandparents also need their space and ensure they get it.
    In the case mentioned, i don’t know if they had mentioned their desire to sight see prior to departure from India but last two months there it was discussed repeatedly. Well, it’s one person’s version against other but some empathy on both sides helps.