Find The Balance

Have you thought about how some people achieve more things in 24 hours of a day than you, how some people cruise through life without cribbing, how some people are happy even without doing much in 24 hours? The common answer I get, silly albeit, is that the person is either unmarried or doesn’t have kids. For such I say, grow up.

Find The Balance - Tips For Moms To Find The Right Balance - In Life

Ever since I became pregnant, I had decided that I would not use my kid as an excuse to crib or slack. I took a break from every other aspect of my life when my daughter was born. I wanted to take it slow, but not forever. I had decided that being a mom would not be my sole identity. I wanted to do a lot with my 24 hours. I knew such a life was going to be stressful.

The researcher in me awoke – searching the net and real life for inspirations. I know women who are really ambitious, travel extensively, study after having a kid, leave kids with parents and work in another city. On the other end, I have seen women who dedicate themselves to child rearing and home making completely with satisfaction. I admire those women who smile and live by their decision confidently.

The story of my life currently is this. My daughter is now 4 years old, more demanding than ever. I have a full time job, I exercise, I blog, I read (my target is usually 20-25 books per year, that is roughly 2 books every month). I spend a lot of time with friends. I indulge in simple me-time like shopping or a massage. Adding to the chaos, we have a pet dog. There is another person who gets a major slice of my time – not to forget my dear, loving husband, who becomes a child as soon as our daughter gets sick.

Yes, I have more mature lines on my face now. Yes, I have become thinner and look less attractive than 5 years ago. But I am happy and that is the key.

 

These are the tips that I would give to find the balance in life.

Have a support system:

Behind every successful woman, there is another woman – her domestic help”

Have someone to fall back to – family, friends or hired help. You need a break once in a while. Besides, doing everything by yourself is the sure-fire way to get frustrated and look 50 at 30. Hire a part-time domestic help or a nanny. Know what to give up and when. If you decide to pursue other activities, send your kids to playschool, as soon as you can. I sent mine at 18 months – for couple of hours. You both learn to give each other some space early on. Your kid will get sick more often. This only helps them in building immunity early on. They fall sick even when you put them to school at 4 years.

Get your priorities right:

If you think you can do it all by yourself, you must be kidding! You are not a super woman. You can’t possibly go to work, cook three meals a day, have a spotless house, not send your kid to playschool/daycare and have a good night’s sleep – all in one life. Make a choice and stick to it – go to work or stay at home. Accept the side-effects of the decision. Whenever you get those infamous guilt attacks, remind yourself of your priorities.

Don’t blame your husband:

I have observed this in many Indian families. Indian husbands are breadwinners and that’s what they do best. Most of the men “help” mothers in child rearing but they play secondary roles, as backup. The sooner you accept this, the better it is for you. Our husbands are a lot better than our fathers. We can leave the kids with them behind for the evening and go on a ladies night out. But it is still far for Indian men to take 2-3 kids alone to the zoo/water park, all by themselves. I have not seen such an Indian man, so far!

If it is of any solace, this generalization can be extended to all Asian families. Asian women are the primary care givers of their offspring.

Simplify your life:

You knew this was coming, didn’t you? If you have something to crib about, that needs to be sorted out. You have to find tips to manage that aspect. God helps those who help themselves. Be it morning madness, bedtime struggles, irritating co-worker, idle mind or boredom. Find ways to be happy and productive. Find a hobby, learn a new activity and give space to each other in every relationship.

I remember reading this somewhere: “The busy man is never wise and the wise man is never busy

Don’t be too busy to take part in the important things in your life. Take time to slow down without being stagnant.

Care to share your tips to find the right balance?

Divya Rao is a mother to a 4 yr old bundle of joy. She has one eye set on growing her career and the other watching and enjoying her little one grow up.

  • Wonderful post Divya. Another tip comes to my mind reading this. Networking with people in situation same as yours (read toddler mother, juggling work, kid, home etc.) too helps. For who else can understand the highs and lows we go through during the mommyhood better than another mommy? Like your post for instance, which really freshened me up as I read it, there must be people around you (physically or at least online) to draw inspiration and hope from, and gain and share experience with. Parentous as a forum offers exactly this, and with every post I readf I cannot thank enough the day I stumbled upon Parentous.

    • I am humbled Yamini!! Thanks for your generous words.
      You are right in saying that Parentous is a great forum, to bring out your thoughts to a wider audience, to share experience with .. Thanks again!

  • Fab

    Beautifully written!! People can make you feel guilty for all kinds of reasons – if you’re working, they’ll express sympathy for your child (??) and if you’re at home, they’ll express pity at missing out on a lot. Everyone needs to let people take their own decisions without weighing in with their opinions.

    • “Logon ka kaam hain kehna” … But really, to get beyond the expectations of our society is a war by itself …

  • wow divya.. u have got this across plain and simple.. to the point!!.. i have taken this habit of organizing myself lately and found out that there is always so much to do in these 24 hours. there’s no point cribbing.. just get to work!!.. 🙂
    loved reading the post..

  • Thanks Supriya … Glad you resonate with what I said …

  • Good one.. multitasking..n getting priorities right.. but hey I have been to movies and bird sanctuary with gang of kids 🙂

    • I do give you credits for taking the kids out on your own .. but hey come on .. the younger one was 7 years old already !! That’s an independent group of kids. However, its very common for a non-asian dad to go out alone with an infant and an active toddler all by themselves, with a stroller and big bag of essentials for kids !!

      If you have done this, I am already on a safer side, I have used the word “most men”. 🙂

  • Nidhi

    Well said..and that ‘don’t blame the husband’ thing – the sooner we learn it the better!

  • Anupriya

    Well written Di! And though not a mommy yet, a lot of things resonated with me…for instance here in US I can’t dream of a hired help and sometimes get so frustrated managing everything – studies, cooking, cleaning, all by myself and the obvious vent is you know who!
    Setting the priorities is really the key, I guess.

    • Thank you Anu .. It really is frustrating being far away from family and no ready-made support system. We find our ways eventually, don’t we?

  • Deepthi Rao

    Good one… Very inspiring article indeed!!!

  • Hamsa

    wow, Divya…very well written…am impressed. Going through the rest of your write-ups here. And, to add to that – I must say you are an inspiring mom yourself . Keep going girl!

    • Hamsa, thank you! You made my day!

  • I am impressed Divya! I am the only one who should be blamed for not doing enough in my 24 hours at the moment! My husband is extremely helpful and cooperative. I have domestic helps for all the cooking and cleaning, but no full time nanny (but that is a choice I made). My son will start playschool when he turns 2.5 years. I have nailed the reading bit. I am gunning for around 50 books this year. I have just started going out once in a while with a friend and we go for 6-7 hours! I have decided to start going out on my own also now, without any friend, just loitering around into bookshops, cafes and window shopping, just like old times! Yes, exercising is still on the to-do list. But for inspiring moms like you, I am reaching there soon 🙂

    • You have an impressive list going on Reema!! 50 books !!! Wow !! Wish I had couple of more hours in my day 😛 Going out for a few hours makes you so fresh, doesn’t it?

  • rachana sharma

    Good going Divya. To me your post just restates the obvious but I think sometimes even the paraphrasing gives the joy to the readers who can relate and agree 🙂

    • Sometimes the obvious isn’t so obvious, apparently … Thanks for the comment Rachana!

  • Lokesh

    HI Divya….

    read between the lines and it was great… wish to see more from the Budding Author…. you had from the days of Schooling…. All the very Best…. happy days…

    • Thanks for encouraging words Lokesh 🙂

  • anvesh

    Hi Divya
    Its been a very inspiring and encouraging quotes by you ,hats off