We interact with different groups of people socially. We usually have different topics to discuss with different social groups we are in, this is common sense. After a kid, we gain entry into one more social group – mommy group. Parenting is such a common topic that it becomes a topic of discussion of any social group.
But what happens when this topic dominates all social groups?
Does your single friend likes to listen to your ‘my child’ rants? Is a person with troubled marriage likely to light up on ‘baby’ centric conversations? Your unintentional self-obsessed-extremely-obnoxious advice is welcomed by all? Come-on smug mama, give it a thought.
Here I put together a list of things you could say to annoy a childless friend.
When are you having a baby?
This has to be at the top of list doesn’t it? Remember how much this question irked you, before your first child. Or now if somebody asks you “when are you having another child?” Please do not ask this question to any childless friend of yours. It’s none of your business.
You will understand when you have a baby.
When your friend offers you some suggestion about child rearing or a parenting tip, have you brushed her off saying “ha-ha, it’s not that easy, you wouldn’t understand till you have a kid!!” Looking at the problem from another’s point of view usually takes you a step closer to the solution. Besides, it is very rude!
Give her reasons why she should have a baby.
Your friend might not be interested to start a family. She might already be getting pestered from her parents, her in-laws and well wishing relatives. She wants to find some solace with her friends, so give her some breathing space.
Give her reasons why she should not have a baby.
What if she is desperately trying to have a baby? Your casual remark will only trouble her further.
How lucky you are!
It’s very annoying to tell your friend how lucky she is to spend time the way she wants, to go to movies/mall without care and such. She didn’t tell you to have a baby and it’s not her fault that you had a baby. You do not have to scare her off and give an impression that motherhood is such a sad job, because it’s not!
I don’t have time for discussions
Before your kid, you were your friend’s confidante, her best friend. Please do not let you baby affect your friendship. I am sure your childless friend understands that you have a baby and that she can’t take much of your time. But as your infant grows up and you have some spare time, reach out to your friend. Listen to her problems and do not tell her that your breastfeeding and potty problems are bigger than hers.
Invitation to party
Don’t judge yourself that your friend does or doesn’t want to attend your child’s party or a get together with other moms. Please ask her and accept her decision.
No free advice
Being a mom doesn’t make you mature enough to handle every problem on earth. Do not begin advising your friend about pregnancy and child handling. Each pregnancy is different and so is every kid. So hold onto that advice till you are asked.
Going with the flow, I would like to add two more things that a mom could say to annoy anyone, even other moms.
Your child’s potty tales
No matter how cute you think your baby looks like while passing poo-poo or su-su, it’s not cute to others. No!! they do not want to know what she ate and what form it came out. They definitely do not want to know the colour and consistency. The only person who wants to know all these is your child’s doctor. And please do not bring this up at a lunch/dinner table! (Don’t be shocked, I have shared table with this kind!!)
Your child is a genius
You believe your child is a genius? OK, we get it. Give your friends a break from all the achievements of your child. For a change, let them discover how intelligent your child is. That will be your chance to beam.
We have a big list of how-to-annoy. How to talk to a childless friend? Just forget that you are a mom and talk like you did before your kid. Talk to her about her work, family, movies, other friends, politics or even gossip!! Having childless friends is so important! It’s like your link to outside world, to remind you that you have an identity other than being a mom.
Are you guilty of any one of the above? Do you have more to add?
Divya Rao is a mother to a 3.5 yr old bundle of joy. She has one eye set on growing her career and the other watching and enjoying her little one grow up.
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Its a tricky business to have a baby and then keep her out of the conversation. They pops their head in middle of adult talk even when they are physically absent. It needs serious effort to keep them only where they belong. Yes, I am guilty too
Amritha, there is no way to keep parenting and kids out of conversation. Because it is a such a loved topic to discuss. Balance is key.
Wonderful article Divya. Once a mom, want it or not, whole world revolves around kids unless a mom makes a sincere attempt to explore other things happening in the world. But, life is better when we try NOT to be the mommy for everybody and just be the mommy for our own baby
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Well said Shilpa. Dont be a mommy for everyone.
Well done Divya! Thoughtful matter in amusing presentation. Overwhelmed with responsibility of angels most of the moms forget there is another world too beyond this. Their thoughts, actions, emotions everything begin to revolve around parenting and ends up in all joys and sorrows restricted to kids only. The realization can be an eye-opener and change the whole course of life…. Life may begin with innocent infancy and childhood but should be ended with expurgated maturity
You are right Rachana, this realization can be an eye-opener. To be a little sensitive to those around takes very little effort.
Well I guess we are a nation who loves to solve others problems, hence giving unwanted suggestions to others. People not only use to give us suggestions but also solutions !
Rightly said !! Haha
Yes Divya, I agree with you completely. I too have friends who are single and I take care to not irritate them or hurt them with my child’s tales,etc.
Well written.
Thank you Shail!
this post has a tricky heading.. at first i thought, this is about suggesting about how to be rude.. but i when i went thru the entire post, i was proved wrong… very well put together and very sensitive
Haha
thanks Supriya!!
Very sensitively put! As parents, we do tend to be arrogant and dismissive of others!
Yeah Roshni .. Thanks for your comments.