To be or not to be (parents) is the question

Memories are fickle minded, they leave you for years only to haunt you suddenly from a dark corner or from a sunny window with a bright smile. I was engrossed in a spread sheet in office when my cell phone rang it was an international number so I picked it up. S was on other side, it took me some time to put two plus two and then the curtains on sunny windows opened.

To be or not to be Parents

S and V were in my team when I worked in Bombay. She a Sindhi with ¼ Bohri blood, and he a Christian from Kerala raised in amchi Mumbai. Typical boy meets girl and they live happily ever after kind of stuff after a mandatory opposition from both the families.

Long story short we stopped being colleagues after we changed jobs but stayed in touch, and they still call some time to enquire about the kids and stuff. A few years ago they moved to Europe for his job, she decided to follow and also got a job in the same city after some time. Both of them are doing well in their respective careers and were planning to have kids, but were not sure if they are ready to take responsibility.

This is what the call was about, with both of them in high pressure jobs in a foreign country with no family support, he was wondering if they will be able to do justice to the kid? I was wondering what to say and then he said something that kind of summarizes the changing mindset of Indian couples.

“We don’t want to bring a kid in this world and then not provide proper upbringing and give time to her, I was thinking to first have a pet and see if we do justice to him and then only decide if we will be dedicated parents or not” Happy at the maturity he was showing but also a little sad at the clinical precision I just mumbled a few things which basically meant yes, not a good idea to bring a kid in this world if you will not be able to devote time to her.

Trying with a pet seems like a good idea to know how dedicated you will be, now the animal rights group may scream hoarse that why to put a pet through neglect if you are not sure, but hey when the choice is between a kid and a man’s best friend to neglect I will neglect a friend as a true friend has no expectations from you. He is there for you when you need him as well as when you want him to get lost and leave you alone.

Last heard they were featured in a Hungarian news paper for a community initiative to clean after the dog has done his thing on the pavement.

I am sure one day they will make great parents and raise wonderful kids. Till then man’s best friend is getting all the love and affection in the world.

Sasha and Prasad Np are proud parents of 2 girls whom they fondly call Princess (11 yrs in Feb 13) and Pinkette (4 yrs next month). He wears many hats after taking a break from being corner office critter for a long time. He is now entrepreneur, blogger, photographer, traveler and an investor in startups with unique concepts. He blogs at Desi Traveler, and can be reached at Facebook and Twitter.

  • http://amrita.thavrani.com Amrita Thavrani

    Most of us plunge into parenthood without knowing much what it is. Or at least I did so :)

    • http://desitraveler.com desi Traveler

      Hi Amrita… I think it is a sign of times changing….parenthood is also now a planned and much debated activity… especially for working couples…. thanks.

  • http://manjulikapramod.com/ manjulika pramod

    I believe one must be fully convinced to be a parent. Its a huge responsibility n one needs to be careful at every step.

    • http://desitraveler.com desi Traveler

      Hi Manjulika…. Yes you can not be a half convinced parent.. My only worry is the clinical approach to something that is supposed to be a very natural process.

  • http://shilpaagarg.blogspot.in Shilpa Garg

    Interesting thought! Nice to know that people would like to check first about their parenting skills before plunging into parenthood! Understand their concerns, as parenting is a big and 24×7 responsibility!

    • http://desitraveler.com desi Traveler

      Hi Shilpa… Totally agree on the big responsibility part and that is where S and V were worried in a foreign land with no social support group.

      Thanks.

  • http://raodivya.blogspot.com raodivya

    I agree that parenting is a big responsibility .. But I do not agree about bringing a pet first to test parenting skills. I have heard even weird arguments like not being able to grow a plant properly implies that the person is a horrible parent!! A dog is not something that came out of you!! You can’t possible have the same feeling for ur kid! I am not an animal lover so this argument is too weird to me!!

    • http://desitraveler.com desi Traveler

      Agreed the pet and kid are different and will need totally different emotional involvement and commitment . Unfortunately no perfect way to find out when one is ready to be a parent. ….

      Thanks.

  • http://umsreflections.wordpress.com UmaS

    Its perfectly alright if they cant handle a kid at this time of their life…its better than bringing the kid into this world and leave it at the day care center.

    Yes, mind sets are changing !!! I also see a lot of couples opt for adoption :)

    • http://desitraveler.com desi Traveler

      Hi Uma…. yes society is changing and the good part is people are trying to be more active involved parent. My only worry is you can not treat this topic too clinically as it kills the joy of parenting.

    • http://desitraveler.com desi Traveler

      Hi Uma…. yes society is changing and the good part is people are trying to be more active involved parent. My only worry is you can not treat this topic too clinically as it kills the joys of parenting.

  • http://thechildrensdaily.net Nidhi

    I think that it’s great that they tried out with a pet ! Though IMHO – pets and children are two vastly different ball games altogether ;)

    • http://desitraveler.com desi Traveler

      Hi Nidhi…. Totally agree Pets and kids are different., though a lot of people ( even with kids of their own)…. tend to forget the difference. ….
      Thanks.

  • http://bigaandlittlea.com Roshni

    LOL at your tongue-in-the-cheek post!! :D

  • http://desitraveler.com desi Traveler

    Thanks..

  • http://musenmotivation.wordpress.com Shail Raghuvanshi

    Hi Desi Traveler,

    A great article with a sense of humour. Sad that wanna be parents wish to try out parenting skills on an animal before they actually bring in a child into their world….. A pity. Speaks volumes of their sense of life and expectations…..

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