It was a short flight from Delhi to Mumbai, only about an hour and half. The moment I had settled in my seat a lady requested me if I can exchange the seat with her so that she and her son can sit together. I normally pay a bit extra to get the aisle seat so that one can stand and stretch if the legs get tired, but since this was a short flight I agreed, after all who wants to deprive a mother spend some time with her little baby boy, or so I thought and agreed to vacate my seat next to her so that her son can come and sit next to her.
I must admit here that when she said son I thought a little boy of may be 5-7 years old who has been given a seat away from the mom due to a mistake by the airline staff. She told me the seat no. of her son and I reached their only to find a 16-year-old young man in the seat. His mother was calling him but he refused to budge from his seat, and very politely for a 16-year-old told me that he does not want to change seats.
Now I was in a fix what to do, suddenly the mom waved her hand and asked him to move, the poor boy obliged and reluctantly moved next to the mother. I was only 5 rows behind them and was a bit amused at this. But then I brushed it aside as a typical teenage behavior who doesn’t want to be seen with their parents. But there was more to come, the moment the boy has settled in the seat the mom started badgering him with suggestions.
My apologies for snooping on a private conversation but unlike eyes ears do not have lids and am sure everybody in the plane heard them.
1. You want to read magazine, then switch on the light on top of you.
2. Once the air hostess were coming around she immediately ordered water for the boy and also requested some candies for the kid.
3. Then she wanted to know what the boy wants to eat, he said he is not hungry, but she insisted so he said whatever and the mom after interrogating the air hostess ordered some kathi rolls for him. Which he barely nibbled and rest was dumped.
4. Then came why he doesn’t sleep for some time so that he arrives fresh in Mumbai.
All this while the boy showed a lot of restraint but was definitely irritated with the constant attention and suggestion and must be wondering when they will reach the destination so that finally he can lock himself in a room or just go out and hang out with friends.
I am sure we all know parents like these who just take the pampering to the other end and forget the difference between caring and nagging. Also a very clear distinction needs to be made here, when you are dealing with a toddler she may be cajoled to do a few things till a point, but one needs to learn to respect the young adults and give them space.
Is it not ironic that on one hand we want our kids to grow up and take responsibility and on second we do not even believe that they can decide on simple things? While each parent child relationship is unique and has its own dynamics but I do feel if you keep on nagging on small things you lose your ability to impact the big things.
Would love to hear your thoughts on the same.
Sasha and Prasad Np are proud parents of 2 girls whom they fondly call Princess (11 yrs in Feb 13) and Pinkette (4 yrs next month). He wears many hats after taking a break from being corner office critter for a long time. He is now entrepreneur, blogger, photographer, traveler and an investor in startups with unique concepts. He blogs at Desi Traveler, and can be reached at Facebook and Twitter.
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Oh yeah…we need to give them the space, respect their feelings and allow them to decide on small things.
I know of a mother who’ll patiently wait outside the bathroom with a towel in her hand, when her goes in for a bath. Why can’t she train him to take one on his own ??
Even choosing what dress to wear – the boy will call out to her !!! And all these when he was in college !!!
What kind of children do these mothers bring up ??? There is no sense of individuality at all !!!
Thoughtful post !!!
I think the kids that are too indulged tend to expect to be waited upon by parents and they may get a false sense of what parents will do for them.
Like a lot of material things that we give our kids we also need to give them there space as they grow.
Thanks..
Oh my god! Yeah, I have seen such “helicopter” moms … They are constantly behind their kids! And these are the ones that make dangerous mothers-in-law.
Ha ha ha Divya, great foresight about the mother in law part
of course, that is going to happen eventually with so much control
MILs were waiting to make there appearance on Parentous….
Helicopter mom… I like this nomenclature….
But yes they tend to be very controlling without realizing the same..
Looks like you have missed reading this one
http://www.parentous.com/2012/11/20/playground-moms-parenting-styles-types/
Hi Divya… yes I did miss this post earlier but not anymore…
you have a very keen observation powers…
I have witnessed these kind of moms very closely. And they do make Terrible Moms-in-law.
My aunt is such a mom, and I pity my cousin. He cannot even tell her to stop or else he will have to bear the consequences. Moms like this should understand, they’re not helping their children by being over-protective.
Hi Falak… my sympathies with your cousin… but one day he will have to take a stand for the sanity of every body around.
Ouch, that was crazy! Who would want to be close to their mom when she does that that, especially when a child reaches the teens. Teenagers need to be given their space I guess. Am yet to reach that stage, have a 4 year old. But God help me, this is not something I would ever do.
Hi Simran..You are right teens tend to be very sensitive and need more space than a younger kid.
thanks…
True, many mothers simply wont let go. I have also seen , in some cases, such sons, dump their mother , after marriage and become joru ka ghulam! They are only physically present at home, but the control is with the mother/wife.
Seriously, parenting lessons are required, before anyone thinks of having a child!
Thanks Pattu mam… I think too much caring is just another form of too much control, albeit sugar coated and as you very rightly say it may lead to a situation when the child rebels.
There are control freak moms, have seen any of them. They do so much of harm for the self – esteem and decision making power of their kids. We have abundance of such tribes.
Hi Amrita… I think too much control in the long run will always backfire.
So funny!!..but, I always feel that mommy of boy’s are generally more control freaks
.hence, they make dangerous MIL..
Hi Vandana… U are right the truth is that the mama’s boys are not appreciated by anybody today so the moms should avoid going to that path.
Ugh. Poor boy! Sometimes mothers can go overboard in the name of care, love and what not. The boy will grow and then continue to harbour that resentment which will result him in treating his wife and other women with contempt. God forbid that does not happen.
You’re right when you say that parents should give space and freedom to the degree that is acceptable in that age. Too much control will smother and choke the kids beyond repair.
This quote from Gibran (though meant for love and marriage) comes to my mind:
“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”
Joy always,
Susan
Hi Susan… Thanks for the comment, you have very aptly summarized using Khalil Gibran’s quote… beautiful.
thanks.
oof!!! Cannot stand those moms (and sometimes, dads!). They just don’t let the kid grow up! The child either cannot wait to get away or else grows up with no sense of self! Both situations are equally sad!
Right said Roshni…extremes on either side are not good… thks