When I first discovered that I was pregnant with a boy, I was thrilled. Thrilled! As an only child of a mother who is also an only child, a boy felt like a perfect way to break up the estrogen-laden monotony. As a former tomboy who loved to play in the mud, canoe, hike and build forts, I felt I was meant to parent a boy. I could show him how to catch frogs and crayfish in the river. We would climb trees. Besides, boys love their mothers, right?
And so it came to be. Sunboy and I did everything together. Mother and son. I didn’t like Barbie dolls as a girl and my son’s disinterest in the dolls I gave to him ensured that the house would be a Barbie-free zone. No pesky pink and princess stuff for us.
Years passed and my husband and I decided to have a second child. It took some time but eventually there I was, belly growing. I had known that Sunboy was a boy early in my first pregnancy. I felt it in my bones. I began the second pregnancy telling myself that of course this was another boy. By that time, I was becoming an expert on the boy lifestyle. I knew the names of Thomas the Tank Engine’s friends, after all. But wait.
This “boy” I was carrying felt rather girl-like, and by the time we received the official word from the doctor, the truth was clear. This child would be a girl. It seems silly now, but I cried, terrified that I would not be up to the task of properly raising a girl. I mean, what could a non-sewing, Barbie-hating, un-makeuped woman teach a girl about how to be a woman? My husband reassured me that I was a fine woman. That I would know what to do.
And then she was born, and all my worries vanished. I was meant to mother this girl, just as I was meant to mother this boy. Maybe it was okay that I didn’t fit the stereotypes of what a woman should be. My life would be a living example that her options were broader than that, that she could find her own path and still be a woman.
I glanced sideways at the color pink. Perhaps pink could be a symbol of strength, of the diversity of women and what it means to be a woman. Many paths are possible under the parasol of Pink.
I am extremely grateful that I mother both a boy and a girl. Each of my children has helped me grow in different ways. My boy gave me confidence in my ability to parent, and my girl gave me confidence in my womanhood. I am teaching them both everything I know, regardless of gender. I encourage them to appreciate their differences and similarities, and I try not to let gender expectations sink in too deeply. “Your sister might run faster than you someday,” I tell Sunboy. It’s my little bit of influence over the next generation of both genders.
Kat Lehmann believes we are all in the process of becoming and have a choice in what we become. She is a scientist who writes prose poetry about parenting and nature, and can be found sneaking outside to look at the moon when not keeping up with her children Sunboy and Flowergirl. You can connect with her at http://www.nurturingandnature.
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I love this post. It shows how you pull out different parts of your personality to nurture both of your children and give them well rounded and happy childhood. To nurture both of their strengths and show them things they might never have known. I love how while you are teaching them…they’re also teaching you.
You’re a wonderful mother – to both your boy and your girl.
xo
Thank you, Erin. It’s so true that parenthood is a joint venture with children. We learn from each other and somehow find our way.
I loved the post.. its so truthful and talks about our fears and inhibitions.
Its so nice u are a mother to both, A gal n a guy.. Mother and son bond is special no doubt but a daughter is the closest person ever to her mother.
Oh, that’s good to hear about daughters! My daughter is only two-years old so our relationship is still unfolding. Thank you for your kind comment.
Fantastic Post! Your joys, inhibitions, excitement and keenness to give your kids a great upbringing comes out so lucidly in your write-up. You have the best of both the worlds. Son or daughter, a child is anyway close to a mother. And for a mother there’s not a privilege bigger than this. Enjoy your motherhood!
Yes, I think the answer may be that if we think of our children as children, not as “boy” or “girl” then we can’t go wrong! I admit my initial reactions surprised me but I think we become “primed” to think of it in these terms, whether we realize it or not!
This sounds so much like the story of my life even to the tree climbing, no make up bit
After having a girl, I have realized some things you can teach, certain other things could be in born. How else do you explain a ‘delicate darling’ kind of daughter to an ogre of a mother? Sometimes I wonder whether they switched babies at the hospital, though I have to believe she’s my daughter since people say she looks so much like me
Having a daughter made me see parts of me in her… and parts of her in me, sometimes in unexpected ways. I’m learning to recognize and love parts of myself that I didn’t notice or emphasize to myself. Some things are superficial, femininity is deep…and diverse! We all carry womanhood in our own way.
ha! I too was/am a tomboy and was actually relieved to have two sons! I guess I was as scared as you that I wouldn’t know how to mother a girl! But, who exactly defined that a woman had to love pink and purple, paint her nails and sew all day?! I’m glad that you are bringing up both of your kids to take a broader perspective of the gender issue!!
Thanks, Roshini, for sharing your experience! I think so much has to do with self-perception as well – something that’s always evolving. Enjoy your boys!