• Food for thought……. we are the last of the Sandwich generation….as we move towards more cultural and demographic shift in our ever growing cities..

    • Hi Desi Traveller.

      Yes, we are indeed the Sandwich Generation. I find the title so apt having used it for myself and also found it being used by several other parents like me….

  • Very beautifully you have touched upon this subject, Shail. I guess, it will help us a lot if we believe, “my happiness grows in direct proportion to my acceptance, and in inverse proportion to my expectations.”

    • Hi Shilpa,

      Thanks. I agree with what you have mentioned. I have promised myself that I will not have too many expectations from my child. But, I am young now. I know not what I shall feel when I am old and weak. I do hope and pray that I stick to my resolve then and permit the Almighty to guide me towards unconditional warmth and living….

  • This is a great topic that you touched upon! I think expectations are the key problem in this case! I think it is about time that we get rid of this huge burden that we place on our child’s shoulders of expecting them to take care of us because we took care of them! If we did sacrifice anything, that was our choice; why use that as a tool to emotionally blackmail them?!!
    It’s time that we took care of ourselves, our own needs, and our own future. If the child then shows initiative to help us, that should be considered a bonus, not a given!

    • Hi Roshni.

      Emotional blackmail. Exactly. That’s what many parents land up doing….
      Your last line tells it all. Bonus or not, we need to NOT build up false hopes and continue doing our duty, give unconditional love and enjoy God’s bounty… There are many who have not been blessed with children too. That we must never forget…. So, love, give and do not expect. Right Roshni?

  • Good room for thought. We are facing this issue not only what we expect from our children but what are parents also are expecting from us.The aged parents also dream to living with their children in their age.But each of us have our lives to run. We can only support our parents and not be with them. What we cant do ourselves how can we expect from our children.The only thing we can establish that parents are very much a part of our world wherever on this earth we are placed. They will be in our thoughts and prayers day in and day out. If they need our help we will always be there for them come rain or sunshine.If we can manage to get this message across to the next generation what it is to be a family I think we have done oui part

    • Dear Priya,

      You couldn’t have put it better. Just what I feel and I suppose thousands of other mothers (especially Indian) feel all over. The thing about family. I too sincerely hope and pray that I am able to instill that value in my child not for him to feel obliged to take care of me when I am old. weak and sick but to feel bonded, ever knowing that we both are there for one another anytime, anywhere. Maybe, not always physically… Just like we would like our parents to feel about us…..
      Thanks Priya for sharing….

  • I guess our parents/in-laws had more expectations from their children and comparatively our generation is happy to live in present and let the future take its own course.

    I for one am not expecting anything from my son and I am definitely not raising him with an expectation that one day he will look after me. In fact I am raising him to be an individual who have his own dreams and aspirations.

    May I succeed in my endeavour and may I never expect him to look after me when I am old and weak.

    • Hi Swati,

      I am hoping that too. Yes, our parents’ expectations of us were/are very high. I can sense that even now, even after having become a mother.
      I too am encouraging my son to follow his dreams but want him to understand the importance of bonding and family, something he can pass on, something HE can bank upon when times are low.
      I am hoping and praying that I don’t become a liability for my son. I want to remain a wonderful memory…

      • Brinda

        Hi Shail
        As always, you have touched my heart with your thoughts. I agree with you on this subject. When I was a child or even a teenager I would always say that I will not leave my parents and would be by their side all the time but as time passed by that did not happen. I got married and moved away with my husband but that does not mean I love my parents any less. The bond has only become stronger.
        My husband and I have been planning our old age from the day we got married. Our kids should never feel “obliged” to take care of us at our old age. As you said, today we are young and healthy and feel this way but I sincerely hope I am always there for my kids and do not become a burden to my children.
        We can only hope that they transfer the same values, bond and encouragement to their children too.

        • Hi Brinda,

          So good to hear from you. Yes, our children – we live for them in so many ways but we can’t say the same of our expectations. In some way or the other, expectations, tiny desires arise in turn giving birth to insecurity too….What if?
          Let’s wish, resolve and pray that things turn out for the best and both the sides win!!

  • Nice to read this thought provoking one. Children ask Questions like why I should sacrifice prime period of my life serving you? They don’t have time to speak to their parents leave alone take care of them.

    Hari

    • babumunswamy

      “True lines”

      I have realized that I have to make the best of the present, accepting it as life’s gift to me and not worry about a future I may not be alive to see.

      Om and Shail born to live and win…….bcoz both of U Blessed by Parents ,Elders Relatives, and by Good hearted friends”Ellam avan parthuikkuvan” So present will be THE BEST” Goooooo head…..

      • Hello Mr. Babu,

        Good to see you here. Thank you for the lovely wishes. Indeed, the wonderful good wishes of friends like you go a long way in cementing relationships and making life easier.

    • Hello Hari,

      Nice to see you here…

      Yes, the generation today is different from the generation of yesterday. And complaints from both the sides are bound to be there. It is a natural phenomenon. Either it is, “You are too old fashioned” or it is, “You are ungrateful.”
      I only pray that wisdom prevails and the bonds of families persist despite conflicts, ambitions and other problems. What do you say?

  • sudha varadarajan

    Feels truly gratifying to look at relationships from this fresh perspective. Right Shail, to feel blessed and thankful for all the gifts and joys that life chooses to shower on us is the most satisfying aspect of our lives. Learning to experience this everyday!

    Thanks to you Shail!

    Sudha

    • Hello Sudha,

      Glad you liked the article. Yes, many of us, caught as we are in the conflicts of living life everyday, forget to count the blessings that we get (however small) in our lives. I am hoping that when I am old and less stronger than I am today, I shall be able to remember all my blessings and be grateful for them…

  • Nidhi

    Its a thought provoking post…something that is very relevant to our generation especially ..the way I look at it ‘you cannot please everybody all of the time’..thats just not going to help anybody in the long run!

    • Hello Nidhi.
      True. We can’t please everybody all the time. But in parenting kids it is not about pleasing. It is about caring and having expectations that cannot always be met be it for one’s own parent or child….
      And it really hurts when priorities change….

  • Azima Pasha

    Hello Shail ji,
    very true and thoughtful perspective of life .As we can see around how elders being treated. I am thankful to Almighty he has given me the joy of parenting three wonderful boys.No matter what will be in store for me in future ,I will just concentrate on giving them good values and respecting ones life. Because LIFE is more precious than blessings and relationship. Do have faith in Almighty,He will never let down His believers.Let give choice for our children not a burden.

    • Hello Azima,

      Yes, it is indeed a blessing to be blessed with children and you have three loving children. Thanks for the good wishes. Yes, I do believe the Almighty has His plans for us but we must not bungle it all up by expecting too much from life and by not acknowledging what we already have.

      Good to see you here. And thanks for sharing.

  • Thoughtful subject you have touched upon, shail. Many parents treat their children like business investments. It is fine when children take care of their old parents out of love but when they do out of compulsion, parents become a burden and the relationship strains.

    Hopefully when we age, there should be more retirement homes and many of us old people could stay together independent of our children and keep in touch with our children more out of sincere love.

  • Dear Asha,

    Yes, I do agree. I too am hoping and praying that when I grow old I do not have too many expectations of my child and if he ever wants to be with us it should be out of love, need, emotion and not as a burden as you pointed out. About retirement homes, I have mixed thoughts about that. I suppose I need to ponder more about that. Thanks for sharing Asha.