Change in self for good or bad?
“Opinion changes with time and responsibility.”
Wondering what I am speaking? It is our behavior and the way we look at things. Let me take a simple example to explain this. Hmmm, let it be a simple street food “pani-puri”.
Recently, I was so tempted to eat “pani-puri”, I sneaked out of house to the nearby stall. Before I put the pani-puri in my mouth, I looked around if anybody is looking at me. Yes, I didn’t want anyone to look, and tell my daughter about it. I started feeling guilty. Why?
As a kid, I was really fond of street food. Looking at “pani-puri” would just make me want to eat it. Stopping me from such food had always been a problem to my parents. I always ended up using all my pocket money eating the junk food. My parents waited for me to grow up and understand the consequences of having unhygienic food.
Growing up didn’t sink my fantasy for street food. Affordability or accessibility to good food or restaurant had never nullified my craziness for street food. I still loved eating bajji’s or sandwiches at street corners. Don’t you think, the ringing bell of “Sonpapadi or kutchi ice-gola’s”, brings in the same excitement of your childhood days?
Life is never same. The change virus struck me also when I became pregnant. I became conscious of everything around, starting from water used to brush my teeth, to roads on which I walk. I became a hygiene freak. It’s almost a year since I stopped eating food on road. Reason, I don’t want my daughter to look at me as an example and start eating road food. The freakishness has made me wander around the streets trying to find the hygienic shop where they sell “pani-puri’s” with better ambience and structure, say wearing gloves or chopping vegetables in better manner, storing them in covered containers, using mineral water for pani etc. have become the top priority. It’s not that my 1.5 year old is going to eat them right away, it’s just that, I am ready with a place to take her, even if she asks me for them after a year or two.
That is when the thought struck me. Even my parents wanted me to have hygienic food. Still I went ahead and had everything on roads, against their wishes (or in spite of their scoldings). Am I stopping my daughter from having natural fun what she might otherwise have, if I will not be strict and let her go and have street foods?. As a mother I am caring, but am I a barrier to her fun? Am I making a mistake by not letting her play on sands or getting dirty?
Didn’t I study in government school and yet scored decent marks and am I not in a decent job? Why am I not trying to find a school with games and studies with equal priority but looking for some international school which is hi-tech with projectors and personal computer for kids?
Why all of a sudden things which were right for me are wrong for my daughter? Do all parents feel this? Is it because I am a first time parent and not able to set in the rules? It’s just not about the street food, but the confusion seems to be with anything and everything related to my daughter. May be, it is the desperation to become a good parent and give the best
Anusha Balaprasad is an Architect by profession working for a Govt. organization. Living away from her husband because of job locations, she loves writing, painting, reading and cooking (occasionally). She likes roaming around and window shopping, but now unable to move even an inch outside, because of her daughter.