You don’t plan it but a part of you knows
You jump with joy when the stick turns blue,
You frame the first hazy looking sonogram
Celebrate without wine, the husband and you.
You read a zillion books on pregnancy
Eat healthy things you hate.
Channel positivity, even stop bitching!
For nine months you patiently wait.
The day arrives and you think you’re ready.
Ha ha, you have no idea what’s about to come.
Your husband holds your hand tight
Excited, He says it’s going to be fun!
A lot happens and then she is in your arms
All red, tiny and cute as hell
She has the husband’s nose, eyes, hands but (thankfully) your hair
You cry – You laugh – You’re obviously overwhelmed
Spit up on your dress and Pee on your shoes,
And you know your world has changed!
You thought motherhood would come naturally to you
But now you’re bordering on deranged.
All your life you were sure you’d be a Yummy Mummy
But now – goodbye fashion, you practically live in your sweat pants
The baby is here but so is the ugly, ugly fat
You still look pregnant, thanks to your huge hanging tummy
Anyway, when there’s a tiny person whose life depends on you,
Who cares about the fat, the messy hair or leaky breast?
And oh, you’ve thrown away the parenting books now
All you need to function is an hour of undisturbed rest.
Who the freaking hell are these content looking, smiling babies?
You go on Facebook and wonder…
You try to set a strict baby schedule for your (very demanding!) doll
But in the end – sigh – you surrender.
She’s a week old now
You never thought you’d last this long.
She’s still hungry and angry but now you happily realize
That she knows your song!
The song you sang to her all through the nine months
She listens attentively and smiles into your eyes
Your heart melts – a tear rolls down
You break-down and hug her tightly until she cries.
Chin up, you’re newly motivated
You tell your sleep deprived husband “I’ve got it under control.”
“So what if she’s a handful, we can’t give up, baby!
It has just been a week after all.”
Your baby’s healthy, you are trying your best.
She’s even sleeping better now (touch wood)
Motherhood is still exhausting, neck breaking and confusing, but
Just hang in there new mommy, you’re doing good.
Your baby is adorable, you love her so much!
You are a mommy, you’ll survive, goddammit!!
You’ll even give advice to new moms
before you know it.
Remember, it will be exhausting, messy and tough
Because motherhood is 24*7, 365, All-The-Time.
But relax, everyone will be kind to you New Mommy,
Even when you didn’t bother to make this properly rhyme.
Aditi Mathur was born on Feb the 14th and since then it has all been awkward for her. A strong believer of “Whatever!”, an ex-advertising girl, a once-upon-a-time blogger, an out-of-place Army Wife and a real-life social person, she has now given up everything for her adorable almost-six-months old daughter Gauri (Um, also for Twitter, actually). Stalk her at at http://damonologue.blogspot.