Man, Woman and Child

“Mamma they are kissing like married”

Yes, mouth-to-mouth resuscitation that passes as kissing nowadays (on Television) has been deemed the ‘married’ kiss by the home censor board.

Man, Woman and Child by Nidhi Dorairaj

“Are you married?” It is a pertinent question, given that the two artistes of the marriage tableau at home don’t really match movie marriage standards. Not just the kissing. The happy homes bathed in white light, Papas and Mammas in glorious pastels, smiling chirpily even in the throes of an alien invasion. Even a robotic ‘Appa’ aka G.One can shake a Chammak Challo leg, and the Mamma is – well, Kareena Kapoor!

“Where was I when you got married?” Out of the mouth of every child born to legally married adults. Yes child, you were in Mamma’s tummy. Even if it took you two more years to actually turn up on planet earth. No, we did not lock you up at home and go for our wedding. And you certainly did not howl till your heart felt sad. And finally, yes, you may decide to not ever, never ever invite us to your wedding. Though if you really end up doing that, I assure you I will howl till my heart feels sad!

“I love you a lot and I love Appa medium” Little politicking champ – doling out a little, lot or medium love depending upon the size of the favour in question. When we tell you that it really doesn’t work that way, Mamma and Appa are equal and love you equally much, you look incredulous. I can see where it may be coming from, because for the startlingly different people that your Dad and I are, it is difficult to believe that we could actually agree on loving one person with equal gusto. Count your blessings that DNA entwines us more than what nucleic acids can count for. And more about that in your science class later.

“He is a boy and you are a girl. He is tall, you are short. He is thin and you are..” Ah, well. You can practice the entire table of opposites on us, cannot you? And isn’t that fun? You even tell your teachers that your Mom is from the north and your Dad is from the south. And he and she can never agree on what constitutes good food. Or entertainment. Or choice of holiday destination. But trust me there are very few things we will agree to disagree on when it comes to you. Especially when it comes to discipline and what constitutes right or wrong. Or how many hours of TV you can watch in a day. And though we may disagree on how much time you can take to do it, you have to have a bath everyday. And as long as you have teeth, you will need to brush them.

“Mamma cannot go to office. Only Appa goes to office to buy money”. No and no. Mamma chose not to go to office, so that she could spend more time with you – though I can see how little you appreciate the gesture as of now. And I wish we could buy money (with what?). I am very glad that you were “So happy that you cried” when your Dad won an office award, and you told me that “Mamma you will also win a prize”. It is a good time for you to take note that hard work and a lot of fight goes into winning. What does that even mean? Well, all the nights that your Appa is travelling and not at home to say goodnight. He is working hard. All the days that you miss him and still paste on a smile and soldier on in school. You are doing a swell job. As for me, who do you think punches in all the buttons to make this well-oiled factory run? Contrary to popular perception it is not G.One.

“Did you study in my school?” No we didn’t. But rest assured, we did go to school. Vastly different from yours and unsurprisingly from each other’s as well. Though there has been one module of education that we have been taking together. YOU.

Yes, even if we did not invite you for our wedding. You turned up as a welcome gift in our marriage. You came to our graduation from married couple to parents. And every single day hence you have been our test and our strength. Your Appa who told me on our honeymoon seven years ago, to walk faster, now has you to give him pace and make the three of us (small, medium and large) walk in tandem – somewhat.

“In October it is yours and Appa’s anniversary. You two have two birthdays?” No we don’t. But there is some truth to your observation. Your Dad and I have something in common indeed. A common date to celebrate our coming together and a one-question-every-minute child to celebrate it with!

PS: You’d better be inviting me to your wedding, ok?

Nidhi Dorairaj Bruce is a Freelance writer from Mumbai. With no formal education in Parenting, she has been getting on-the-job training ever since her daughter, affectionately referred to as ‘the kidlet’, arrived on the scene 5 years ago. On Twitter, you can connect with Nidhi @typewritermom

  • Swapnil

    Sweet! 🙂

    • Nidhi

      Thanks Swapnil 🙂

  • Fab

    That was sweet and funny in equal measure!! Very well written, Nidhi, loved it!!

    • Nidhi

      Thanks you Fabida – I enjoyed writing this as well 🙂

  • Seema

    Really enjoy your writing Nidhi! 🙂

    • Nidhi

      Thanks Seema 🙂

  • Rachna Parmar

    haha very cute! Haven’t we all been through it. Loved your responses too :).

    • Nidhi

      Yup..I realized that while writing it – I need to record these questions somewhere – else they’ll get lost somewhere in the throng of memories :/

  • Good comeback with all the questions!! 😛

    • You think ? 😉 I really hope so!

  • LOL @ “Only Appa goes to office to buy money” 😀
    Wonderful questions and fabulous answers!! 🙂

    • I know..wouldn’t that have been fun 😉 Thanks Shilpa !

      • I love you for saying this : Appa goes to office to buy money. Kids and profoundness.

        • like they say : from the mouth of babes 🙂

  • LOL. Kids and their lists of questions! 😀 Loved it!!

    • Thank you Hetal 🙂

  • LOL. Really cute and sweet observations made by kidlet. Kids make everything magical. 🙂

    • Someone once told me kids are programmed to be cute to sort of compensate for all the hard work that goes into bringing them up 😉

  • lol; very sweet

  • Divya

    Nice summary of commonly asked questions .. “Where was I when u got married?”, “I am a girl, appa is a boy” … Good one Nidhi ..

    • Thank you Divya 🙂

  • aishwarya Jai

    Nidhi…

    Good one! will read the rest and comment too 🙂